Monday, May 30, 2011

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times – Chapter 71

# 71 - “Don’t wear glasses, they make your eyes weak.” 

When writing about the one hundred things mom taught me a million times I usually research the topic de jour, and almost always find surprising scientific research supporting mom’s seemingly off-the-wall beliefs.  And then there are those days when, after looking at the Google links, I feel like I’ve strayed into the Twilight Zone! Today was one of those. Click on arrow below...

When I Googled “wearing glasses makes your eyes weak,” 83 pages of mostly wacko-to-the extreme info popped up. For example: One site claims “glasses and contact lens are merely a crutch for your eyes.” I swear, mom always said glasses are just a crutch! The site further claims, “Your eyes will therefore become lazy and weaker with time.” Mom said that too!  This site, however, was selling “pinhole glasses” that supposedly “exercise” your eyes to make them stronger. I ask you. Would you ride in a car with a driver wearing these?

One commenter on one of the illogical number of blogs dedicated to this issue said:
Don't take any internet morons words for it, especially from 3rd world fools that marketers will target with bogus products, because most of them are scientifically illterate [sic] and superstitious, they buy into worthless crap and scams the 1st world will no longer be interested in. Placebo effect is what you get with these products, and this illusion works better the dumber and more misinformed you are. Fucking with your eyes is nothing to fuck with, unless your suicidal and then I suggest you look into why you're an insane nutbag first.

I think that guy is a recently laid off Optician, who will any day now enter the mall carrying a shotgun.

So back to mom and our crutch glasses. If wearing glasses doesn’t weaken your eyes, why does your prescription have to be strengthened every time you get your eyes checked? Don’t tell me it’s because we’re getting older. I’ve really had it with that highly over-used excuse for everything that happens after you turn 40.

Aldous Huxley, (left), who wrote Brave New World, also wrote a book called The Art of Seeing, which is about the Bates method of “strengthening the eyes,” by undoing a “habitual strain to see.” Of course Dr. Bates, who was prone to amnesia, was considered a kook, but mostly by the “glasses” industry.

Also, apparently some people get prescriptions for human growth hormone to improve their eyesight. Human growth hormone improves muscle tone, which extends to the tone of the muscles that control the eyes - resulting in not needing reading glasses anymore. Hmmmm, vision steroids – sketchy, but not as sketchy as eye services marked down from $19.95 to FREE!

I checked into Lasik surgery but the Dr. said that because I have weird-shaped eyeball, I would still need glasses to read, but not for driving. Excuse me, $8,000 for a larger selection of designer sunglasses?

I think I’ll take my glasses off and go lie down, I can feel my eyes weakening by the second.


  1. OMG, this just proves what I've always known. My Mommy was brilliant. When I was employed as a full time professor, I had prescription glasses. Two pair cost more than $600. Now, as a sometime professor and full time writer (without insurance), I wear the WalMart $19.99 reading glasses. In fact, I had to put them on to find the $ sign on the keyboard. This ought to prove what my Mommy said. Glasses make your eyes weak. Right? Jane