Tuesday, September 22, 2009

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times - Chapter 14

#14 - “If your hair is too blond, people will think you’re cheap.”
Although mom taught me this one of one hundred lessons a million times, I have always wanted to be Marilyn Monroe. She is my icon of a sexy, successful woman. She screwed John Kennedy for gauds sake! On the other hand, she screwed John Kennedy, and killed herself (or did she?)

I was born blond. Honest. I am of course referring to my hair color. Not my mental capacity, which we will get to later. And I was legitimately blond until I finally realized that the sun that was bleaching my locks to a glowing, delicious yellow, was also baking my skin to a leathery, freckled mess.  Click on Read More Below...

Those of you who know me know that I am no stranger to hair colors – many hair colors. I recall that one of my more stuffy, yet lovable hair critics once asked me on the phone, “So what color is your hair today?” To which I replied, “Hold on a sec and I’ll go look.”

While my other teen aged friends were mooning over Fabian, I was down at the Corner Drug Store, starry-eyed and caressing all the wonderful Lady Clairol hair color boxes – “Champagne Pink,” “White Mink,” “Fabulous Fire!” I had no idea what Champagne or mink were, but they sounded like tickets to glamour and I wanted it.

Mom would advise me (the one hundred things a million times), but she tended to let me learn things on my own, so I experimented prolifically! Then one day a good friend, equally enamored with hair color showed up at school with green hair, falling out. This made me stop experimenting. Yeah right. Absolutely not! But it did give me a warning to be careful, sort of.

So what about the cheap blond thing? I admit that I like to toy with people’s heads – show up really blond and sexy – then say something profound. Probably not as convincing nor successful as I tell myself, but there have been a few moments, and it has been fun. As far as the blond jokes – well, that actually serves me – people don’t expect me to be smart, so they are easier to impress.

And cheap, I’m laughing. Many years after I got out of high school I found out that I was actually one of the few in my school that was really “saving myself." It’s actually a good thing I never “did it” in high school because if I had, I’d probably have been the biggest slut in school, or should I say “blond slut!”

And you know what? I still get that, “you’re a cheap blond” look, all the time. And get this. This is hilarious. When I’ve had darker hair and gone back to blond, I’ve noticed that men snap their necks to look at me. Seriously. It is amazing. Of course they don’t linger long after they figure out I’m old, but they always look. Always.

So mom was right. If your hair is too blond, people will think you’re cheap, but to this day, I am still playing with hair color. I can’t help it. I am my Barbie!

Have a great day!



  1. Just getting better and better. Now am I referring to your blog or to being a blonde? Well, to both! I went through all that also and then decided streaking (frosting?) was made just for me - and now I have to smile because I don't have to pay for it anymore. I love the pics of your mom and dad - I remember them well, especially your mom. I think a book is in the works! Charlena

  2. SueAnn,
    I think personal touch in your writings are becoming deeper. They touch my heart. It's almost like getting to know you and Momy all over again. The respect I have for your talent and insight grows with each installment. Keep writing from the heart!
    Lynda Marie

  3. Thank you for your comments Lynda and Charlena - they really mean so much to me. SueAnn

  4. Funny post Sue. History is funny. About that hair, i loved your extreme firetruck red you had one time around 2002. Back in my 'new wave days' the boys and girls looked sluty but they weren't but i really don't know when normal becomes sluty. Who does? Anyways now the newcasters look just like my 'sluty' friends did, sexy. ha