Tuesday, July 14, 2009

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times – Chapter 9

#9 "Men Like women with a little meat on their bones."
As previously mentioned, not all of the one hundred things my mother taught me a million times stuck. Unfortunately, this one stuck a little too well, metaphorically speaking. I have been described as "voluptuous" and "Rubenesque," which is really just a nice way of saying, "you're a little fat, but you still look good." I've had my "skinny" times, but those are a distant memory and a few good and cherished photos away.

One of my most magnificent leaps of rationale to date is that men who like really thin women, i.e., Brad Pitt, are actually closet homosexuals attracted to the androgyny of a thin woman. Although I suspect that my husband would argue strongly that Angelina Jolie may be thin, but far from androgynous. Whatever.

The truth of the matter is that I like to eat, no, I love to eat, and I haven't ever seemed to lack for male attention, although I think that might have had more to do with my attitude than my ass. Back in the days when I was still dating, which relatively speaking wasn't that long ago, I had a friend ask me how I managed to always have so many men buzzing around and what I said to her was that she was simply too available. I was busy and always had something going on, political, social, whatever. She was constantly trolling for men, and they sensed that with the "hormone clock ticking" detector that all men have. I told her to surround her life with interesting things and activities, and that would make her a more intriguing person, less available, and therefore infinitely more attractive.

But back to the meat on my bones. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I have a healthy relationship with my meat, but the meat between my ears is pretty healthy, and that, along with one other location on my anatomy, are my husband's favorite cut, so mom was right, "Men do like women with a little meat on their bones," and just as with men, it's not what you got, it's what you do with it.


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