Sunday, June 14, 2020

100 Things I Want To Tell My Children And Grandchildren, #36


We’re going to be OK.

As I sit here at my computer reflecting on our world over the first six months of 2020 – the COVID-19 pandemic, the political, religious, and social divisions that are tearing our world apart, I feel guilt and fear. Guilt because I know I am partially to blame for why we are where we are right now, and afraid because I fear I’ll die before we can fix it. 

But those feelings are fleeting, because this isn’t our first rodeo. Earth, America and I have seen rock bottom before and survived, and we will do it again.

My personal grit was inherited from my mom and dad. 

Way before I came along my Dad was a very successful businessman in Oklahoma, but lost it all during the depression. The story goes he gave everything he had to the starving families in Chickasha, Oklahoma. And when he had no more to give, he packed up and moved to Dallas where he open a grocery store (pictured), then to west Texas to become a successful contractor building roads to the oil fields to supply fuel needed during WW II. When my Dad died, there were more than 100 funeral sprays from people all over Texas, and so many “covered dishes” there weren’t enough surfaces in our house to hold them all. In a little town with less than 1,200 people, that speaks to how respected and liked my dad was.

When my mom’s father deserted her and her mother, and her mother was subsequently committed to a mental institution in San Antonio, my mom was raised by her grandmother on a farm north of Dallas. When her grandmother died, as a young teen, mom (pictured) went to live with her uncle, a Judge in Dallas, where she met my dad. She dropped out of school and moved to west Texas with my Dad, where over a period of 29 years, they married (twice, with a short-lived divorce in between), had five kids, and went broke and recovered several times. Mom went back to high school at the age of 40, after having five kids, and completed her college degree – something few west Texas women did back then.

When my dad died mom had to sell everything to pay off all the loans owned for large construction equipment, leaving us nothing. We lived in a tiny little house on less than $300 a month, which we wouldn’t have had if mom hadn’t completed her college degree and become a teacher. 

My low point came when the father of my children and I divorced. I though marriage and love were forever, and I thought I’d never recover, but I did. We all did.  

Our nation and world have grit too. We’ve recovered from civil wars and world wars lasting decades, cancer, many financial devastations, and other pandemics. 911 banded us together as a nation to fight a common enemy, and the COVID-19 pandemic could have had the same effect, but instead it became politicized. 

It seems everything has become so much more politicized and emotional since the elections of Barack Obama and Donald Trump. I've never see so much anger and hatred. We seem on the verge of another civil war, but the battle lines won't be geographic, they'll be political. I believe we are being manipulated through social media, to incite hate, fear and division, and to break down the American bond, to overpower us. 

But just as my mom and dad rose above their challenges, I rose above mine, and our nation and world have risen above many, but not all their challenges, America MUST wake up to the fact that “United we stand, Divided we fall”. 

It may take a while, and more pain and suffering, but we’re going to be OK.


Cluster Critiques



Catch and Kill: Lies, Spies and a Conspiracy to Protect Predators by Ronan Farrow

When a potentially damaging indiscretion occurs with a celebrity or public figure, “fixers” execute what is called “catch and kill”. Catch/pay off parties to the activity, and kill/legally (or illegally) stop the possibility of public disclosure. Ronan Farrow’s book is primarily about Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein’s decades-long, serial rape and sexual harassment of young actresses dependent upon his perceived make-or-break power. 

As a reporter for NBC, Farrow pursued a years-long campaign to bring Weinstein to justice, and probably also to enhance his journalistic career. This book is pretty much the blow-by-blow (no pun intended) of his efforts, which ends with Weinstein’s fall from his throne. 

Farrow’s own family’s scandals involving his father, Woody Allen’s alleged sexual abuse of his adopted daughter are an underlying thread running through this expose. 

Despite Weinstein’s hideous proclivities being common knowledge in the industry, NBC foot-dragging and despicable (but entertaining) legal, investigative and PR hanky-panky shielded him far too long. Seems the only people who didn’t know about Weinstein’s predatory and illegal activities were his friends Meryl Streep and Hillary Clinton. I can't help but wonder if they were exploiting his power for their own purposes and just looking the other way. If so, that’s troubling too.  

Farrow throws in the revolting Matt Lauer story, which according to NBC staff-gossip, everyone knew about – everyone including, Tom Brokaw. Katie Couric, Hoda Kotb and others. No one was innocent. Good book.


The Cuckoo's Calling by Robert Galbraith (aka JK Rowling)

Are our standards different for genre writing then literary fiction? Does the added burden of crafting a mystery or plotting a thriller suck all the creativity out a writer? I’ve slogged through so many mediocre (yet extremely popular) genre books, desperately searching for the magic combination of writing and plot excellence. Of course, when Patricia Highsmith is your benchmark, you’re a pretty harsh critic. What does this have to do with The Cuckoo's Calling. Everything, because I feel like I’ve discovered a new provider of literary mysteries. 

Subtitled “A Strike Novel” in reference to the main character of The Cuckoo's Calling, Cormoran Strike, a British war veteran turned private detective. In Strike, Galbraith smartly creates the lovable roque gals like me are such a sucker for. He’s lost his leg to a land mine in Afghanistan, can’t pay his bills, his long-time girlfriend has broken his heart, and he’s sleeping on a cot in his office. Sounds like several of my X’s.

Cuckoo is a super model who’s fall from the balcony of her London penthouse is ruled a suicide by the police – that is until her brother hires Strike to investigate her death. Galbraith plunges Strike into the world of money, high fashion, rock and roll and all their trapping, traps and players – where nothing and no one are as they seem. We know what’s going on and who did what, and then we don’t, essential elements of a good mystery, taking us right up to the final few pages with a better than average surprise ending. If you have a taste for lovable screw-ups, you’ll enjoy Cormoran Strike, and if you like a well-penned mystery, you’ll enjoy The Cuckoo’s Calling.


The Splendid and the Vile: A Saga of Churchill, Family, and Defiance During the Blitz by Erik Larson

I didn’t know I was interested in Winston Churchill’s extended family and his various ministerial minions. But then Erik Larson, author of some of the best non-fiction ever written Devil in the White City, Isaac’s Storm, Dead Wake, and In The Garden of Beast, could write about peanut butter and make it spellbinding. His latest, The Splendid and the Vile, set in the early days of WWII, is about Winston Churchill’s wife, and his son and four daughters and their spouses, all of who, like we, have flaws, and yet compose a sweetly close family. It is also about Churchill’s peculiar, though brilliant leadership style conducted within his tight circle of war advisors. For example, he often had conversations and meetings while he sat in his bathtub, or while walking around naked, puffing on his cigar and swigging from his bottomless glass of scotch whisky. This book is also about his desperate struggle to lure America into WW II for relief and support during Adolph Hitler’s relentless, cruel bombing of England - the Blitz. As I read this book in the middle, end of, beginning (not sure) of the COVID-19 pandemic it made me appreciate that things could be worse, and sadly I suspect they will be. If you love history, you’ll be charmed. If not, move on.

The Jetsetters by Amanda Eyre Ward

When asked how she dreamed up The Jetsetters, author Eyre Ward’s first and best-seller novel, she said, “One morning I was sitting in my kitchen while my kids were eating Lucky Charms … and a small voice in my mind said, Amanda, you do not belong in a Texas kitchen in a worn-out, pink bathrobe. You belong on a cruise ship balcony, gazing out at a foreign sea!” 

Dad, a bully, with the circumstances of his death leaves a smear of guilt on the entire family - inspiring a check-list of mild neurosis in the now grown kids – unsettled homosexuality, a failed acting career, and obesity. Mom, writes a saucy romance story, enters it in a writing contest, and wins the first place prize, a cruise for four. She then gently browbeats her three children into coming along. The Jetsetters packs up family disfunction and takes it on a Mediterranean cruise, providing a unique, fun setting for drama, conflict and humor. Mom just wants her kids to rise above their issues, love her, love each other, and love themselves. But can salt air fix that? 

Ward’s writing skills keep the narrative crisp and surprising, and the characters and their issues keep us turning pages. If you’re looking for a light read about people with more flaws than you, but don’t want the burden of heavy emotion and mental aerobics, here’s your book.


Say Nothing: A True Story of Murder and Memory in Northern Ireland by Patrick Radden Keefe

Many a sad story has been written about the extended (1960-1998) Catholic vs Protestant “Troubles’ in Northern Ireland. But as is often the case, in the hands of the right writer, even the most exploited and explored historic accounts can take on new life, Such is the case of Say Nothing. The story author Keefe weaves begins with, and frequently reflects back on the “disappearing” of Jean McConville, a young mother in Belfast suspected of conspiring for the wrong side in a neighborhood where taking sides means everything. But the book is substantially the depressing tale of two sisters, Dolours and Marian Price, born into the militant Irish Republic Army (IRA) and suspected in the death of McConville. The account of their horrific, extended incarceration and martyrdom for other related militant activities are simultaneously inspiring and repugnant. Deftly told, Say Nothing is not only an alluring, albeit uncomfortable history lesson, but also feels eerily like a cautionary tale of what happens when religious zealotry turns a nation, neighbors and even families against each other. If you are interested in the history of the Troubles of Northern Ireland, read it. Otherwise, you can check this one off your list.


Full Disclosure by Stormy Daniels

When we judge people we are asking for trouble, whether it is racial and religious prejudice, homophobia, condemnation of adult prostitution, women who make their living dancing in adult clubs and/or performing in pornography. Like a pretty wise guy once said, “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.”  

In her surprisingly interesting, humorous and well-penned book, Full Disclosure, author and pornographic actress, writer and director Stormy Daniels, reveals her difficult childhood, and eventual adult life in the world of “porn” and “titty-dancing” (to use her unvarnished terms), even confirming - spoiler-alert - there’s nothing real about pornography – it’s monotonous, industrial, and since she’s one of the first women in porn to rise to the level of writer/director/producer, very lucrative. Daniels seems a funny, smart, gal who doesn’t apologize for who she is, and her book, mostly received positive reviews. Yes, she slept with Donald Trump, and talks about it briefly in her book, but is candid in saying it was mutually opportunistic (and pretty gross). Let she who has not slept with someone she wished she hadn’t cast the first stone. You won’t be sorry if you read Full Disclosure.