100 Things I Want To Tell My Children And Grandchildren, #37

When times are hard, be your best self, not your worst.

I’ve been so angry, tense and scared the last six months – especially the last three months. Just this week, when I tried to turn left across traffic into a gas station and realized, because of a road divider I couldn’t, I screamed “f**k”, and pounded my hand on my steering wheel. My outburst felt irrationally violent, and of late, common. Composing myself, I said to my husband, “I think I’ve said f**k more in the last three month than in the total of my entire life”. Due to numerous strokes, he never says much, but as my constant companion, is forced to witness my more and more frequent anger, and it made me wonder if my kids and grandkids are similarly lashing out at their loved ones in anger and fear during this horribly harsh time. 

So starting today, I’m going to make one small change in my newly acquired, ugly COVID behavior. Each time I want to say f**k. I’m going to think of something I am thankful for – and it can’t always be my husband, kids, grandkids and friends and our health. I’m going to be thankful for my car, a bed to sleep in, good coffee, butter, the view from my home office, books, a beautiful sky, clean water, chocolate, soap, clients, my computer. When you start thinking about all the things you have and take for granted, the list becomes endless. Just making this list made me feel blessed and humble.

Being an adult (even an old one), doesn’t mean you know it all and stop making mistakes. So, what I learned today and what I want to say to my kids and grandkids, is when times are hard, be your best self, not your worst.