For those of us who glanced at the cover of East, Shoots & Leaves, by Lynne Truss, and assumed it was a book about pandas, here are some pretty funny grammar
jokes.
A Texan professor and an Oxford
professor are chilling at a conference bar. The Texan professor, bored, looks
to the Oxford professor and strikes up a conversation. "So there partner,
where y'all from?" Oxford prof. replies, pushing his glasses to his nose:
"Well, in reply to your query, I hail from Oxford. In addition, where I
come from, we never end our sentences in a preposition." The Texan prof.
blinks once, shrugs his shoulders and drawls, "My apologies! What I mean
to say is 'where y'all from, asshole?'"
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
Harry is getting along in years and
finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who
tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an
American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure
this." That said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a
flash with billowing blue smoke. Then he says, "This is powerful medicine.
You can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it
will rise for as long as you wish" The guy asks, "What happens when I
don't want to continue?" The medicine man replies: "All you or your
partner has to say is 1234, and it will go down. But be warned - it will not
work again for another year."
Harry rushes home, eager to try out
his new powers and prowess. That night he is ready to surprise Joyce. He
showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion. He gets into bed,
and lying next to her says, "123." He suddenly becomes more aroused
than any previous time in his life - just as the medicine man had promised. Joyce,
who had been facing away, turns over and asks, "What did you say 123
for?"
(And now you know why you shouldn't end a
sentence with a preposition.)
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