Slactivism and Satire – Let’s Make Voting Sexy! By Very Smart Gal – Dean Lofton

I received the below very smart commentary from Very Smart Gal, Dean Lofton's blog, and I immediately forwarded it to Very Smart Guy (and old friend), Austin American-Statesman Editorial Page Editor, Arnold Garcia. He liked it so much that he invited Dean to be a guest commenter in the June 7 issue of the paper. Check it out. Very Smart - and fun! (Reprinted with permission) Here's the link to Dean's business (PR). After you read this, if you need a publicists (who doesn't) I suspect you'll want to hire her!

Pssst. Hey Austin, know what's sexy and hip now? Voting!

I'm a little, um, frustrated with my Austin's low voter turnout in the recent city elections on May 12.

The city clerk's office reports that of 824,205 residents, only 461,146 were registered and only 49,336 of those actually voted. How embarrassingly low for one of the most educated populations in an American city that's also on the top of every "best of" list around!

It's understandable the majority of Austin residents have tuned out politics. We're busy!

There are shows to see and festivals to attend.

And we already vote all the time best restaurant, music polls and for our favorites on reality TV shows.

Shaming people with data and phrases such as "civic responsibility" and "participation in the political process" doesn't seem to motivate anyone.

We need a new plan so that we, the people, can actually be represented by the folks making the decisions.

One obvious way to inspire voter registration is to add legalizing marijuana to the ballot and watch a "put down the bong and go register to vote" campaign occur organically in mere moments.

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Two-prong strategy

Seriously though, the answer is simple. We have to make voting sexy and hip.

Austinites love being sexy and hip, and that's what America loves about Austin.

The connection between voting and being sexy and hip may not be obvious at first. America is terribly sexually repressed so nearly all advertising is based on sex.

Combine this with Austin's amazing ability to create legendary buzz for an event and we'll soon be the "Voting Capital of the World."

The voting marketing campaign will need a good logo that works on T-shirts and ball caps, a Twitter hashtag (#votesexy), a theme song and a video. I'm seeing an Austin version of "We Are the World" with some great dance moves for flash mob opportunities.

Many Austinites are still using the peace sign and won't mind if we use it as the "V for Vote" meaning.

It could soon replace the "Hook 'em Horns" as the most used gesture in Austin (except the one we all use in traffic).

Everyone can do their part by posing with the V for Vote in photos on Facebook when flaunting our sexy and hip lives here in Austin.

By popular demand, concert and festival promoters, club owners and event planners will soon add voter registration tables to all events.

Otherwise they face a "tsk, tsk" from social columnists and the wrath of Twitter. (OMG gr8 band, but no #votesexy? #NOTsexy)

And from door prizes at charity events to concert ticket giveaways on the radio: You can now only win if you're a registered voter.

Vote Fest

Election Day is now called VOTE FEST!

The best bands play at the polls, surrounded by food trailers serving everything from breakfast tacos to barbecue with vegan, vegetarian and gluten-free options. And bars and restaurants offer drink specials for voters. And there's a new drink created just for Vote Fest.

The campaign will definitely need sexy celebrity spokespeople.

Eye candy inspires interest in any subject. (No offense to current elected officials or recent candidates, but someone sexy running for office would also help voter participation.)

When Austin-based celebrities are interviewed in the national press they'll say, "I live in Austin now because the voting movement was so inspiring."

I can see it now. Austin's top musicians start sporting the peace sign and saying "vote" at media appearances. In interviews, they talk about why voting is sexy to them and declare they'd never sleep with someone who didn't vote.

The campaign is bound to go viral, and soon headlines will read "Austin inspires nation to vote by making it hip and sexy."

No matter what your thoughts on President Barack Obama, the large Austin turnout early in his campaign definitely gave him the Austin, eh, bump.

Soon it'll be understood that in Austin, if you don't vote, you can't complain or obtain satisfaction.

Voter registration numbers will spike to their highest level ever!

Let's do it for America. Get out there and make voting sexy and hip!

P.S. I am not actually starting this campaign. This article is only intended as slactivism and satire. If you're a nonpartisan organization and feel inspired, please steal this idea (just spell my name right). But don't wait for formal leadership — make voting sexy in your own hip way.

Lofton is a freelance writer, writing coach and PR consultant. She lives in South Austin.