Monday, April 11, 2011

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times – Chapter 69

#69 - "You can get away with wearing short hair because you have good features."
Photo is of me and my oldest granddaughter, taken this weekend at Amy's.
What mom was trying to teach me through #69, is not entirely clear to me,  but it feels like a backhanded compliment. Like the one I got from an 18-year-old cutie when I was 30-something, “You’re pretty sexy for an old lady.”

Mom was an enigma. She was a feminist and patriarchal, so #69 is typical of her teaching. She apparently didn’t think that women should wear short hair because it made them less feminine, but you could “get away with it” if you had good “features.”

One of the bases for Mom’s #69 was that she was always very self-conscious about her ears, which admittedly were a little large. I remember mom saying how relieved she was when I was born with small ears, as though I would have been tossed off a cliff if they were unacceptably large! Tragically, I think my ears are getting larger with age – especially my lobes, which after years of heavy earrings and jumping up and down to music at rock concerts (many years ago), have sagged to near-comical proportions. One of these days when I have money to burn (ha ha), I may have them reduced to little delicate petals!

And my nose - well, my dad used to say, “The reason the Wades have such big noses is because they keep them out of other people’s business and give them a chance to grow!” Mom and dad both had prominent noses, so I was inescapably destined to have a substantial schnoz. Click on Read More Below...

I’m OK with my eyes. I love that they change color with my wardrobe and my mood. When I cry, they turn sky blue.  Sure could use some more eyelashes though. For those of you who followed my Latisse experiment, the minute I stopped using it, my eyelashes receded back into my lids so quickly I had to wonder if that wasn’t part of the Latisse formula!

Another thing about “features” -  I’ve always been fascinated with the issue of symmetrical or asymmetrical faces. Symmetrical faces are supposed to be the most attractive, but I’m not so sure that theory holds. I did a little (very little) research and found a website, which allows you to see what you, and other fabulously famous stars,  look like if your faces were symmetrical. Most photos of symmetrical faces look a little creepy, so I think there’s something to be said for asymmetry - evidence Sarah Jessica Parker and Gary Busey below!

As far as my hair? Bottom line, I'm just not into it. I usually walk into a “Great Clips” and say, “I want it so short that not only do I not have to fix it, but I couldn’t fix it if I wanted to.”

So mom was right. I get away with wearing short hair because I have good features, prime among them being that I just don’t give a damn!

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