Tuesday, January 12, 2010

It Was Horrible!

Do you have a minute? I just did something horrible and it was horribly horrible and I really need some writing therapy. Not “work” writing therapy, blog writing therapy. I made the horrible mistake of looking too closely at the inside of my refrigerator. Did I mention how horrible it was?  I do not understand how something that holds our food and stays closed 95% of the day could possible become that dirty. And wasn’t it just last week, or last month that I scrubbed it like a 15th century deck hand? Or perhaps it was last year, but anyway my point is that a place where food is stored should not get that nasty. How does that happen!

There was dog hair in there for gawds sake! Of course there’s dog hair everywhere in our house, but honestly, the refrigerator! The dogs are hardly ever in the fridge! Some day I’m going to die a suspicious death and when they do the autopsy and cut me open, gray and black Blue Heeler hair will explode out of me and they'll put me on that A&E medical examiner’s show. What’s her name?

Anyway, back to the refrigerator. It always happens this way, I see that there’s a little tiny spot on the bottom of the inside of the refrigerator, so I grab a rag and wipe it off and am reminded that it is white, not tan. So I have to clean the entire bottom, and when I take out the vegetable bins, well I don’t really understand how something that looks so beautiful and appealing at Randalls can come home with me, and into my veggie bin, and immediately begin a oozing, smelly death. Anyway, so you know where this is headed, once you start cleaning then the real horror is revealed and you try to remember if any of your friends have looked in your refrigerator recently. Perhaps that’s why they’re always busy when I call…

So the worst part was an unidentifiable substance that I couldn’t get off of the glass with a machete, but it stuck to my acrylic nails and I thought I was going to have to call 911. But what 409, Comet and a now destroyed steak knife couldn’t remove, hot water eventually dissolved, so I got past that crisis.

Then there was the removing of all the old jars of condiments. I think I finally threw away that jar of Lemon Wasabi mayonnaise that had “best if used by 1972” on it. Please don’t report me to the environmental police, but I threw them in the trash. Not in the recycling, in the trash. I was at the end of my rope and just didn’t have it in me wash out 25 jars of toxic whatever. So now the trash weighs 70 lbs and my hubby is going to flip out if he has to take that out to the big trashcan, so I threw my back out dragging it across the yard only to find that the big trashcan is down at the street for pickup. So as soon as I decompress, I’m going to Target to buy a new trashcan. I’ve hidden the old one in some bushes. The cats and raccoons will be happy and/or dead tomorrow.

Anyway my socks got wet, my nails are trashed, my kitchen floor is covered in water from a runaway spray nozzle incident, but my refrigerator is sparkling (except for the door shelves which I refuse to clean today – I just can’t take any more.) It was just so horrible….

Thanks for listening. I feel better.



  1. Thank you SueAnn! I made a New Year's resolution not to buy any new food until I play a game of "Chopped" and somehow combine the tahini, tomatillo sauce, chopped thai basil, risotto, bulgur wheat, and can of water chestnuts that have been dominating my top shelf for months. In consuming everything else, the empty bottom shelves have revealed themselves and you ain't kidding lady. How do our refrigerators get so dirty? I loved reading your blog, laughing until my stomach hurt, and knowing that I too, shall soon face The Ultimate Challenge of fridge cleaning. You are brilliant and wonderful my sweet friend. Thank you for brightening my day (if not my fridge).

  2. Tahini tomatillo basil risotto and bulgar wheat with chestnuts. Yum! I'll be right over! Should I bring my slightly black Thai pepper oil and the "aged" roasted garlic aoli?