Happy Holidays and a Terrific 2013!

Far From The Tree by Andrew Soloman

I don’t know when a book has more profoundly agitated me.  When I try to comprehend why, the only explanation I can come up with is that Far From The Tree by Andrew Soloman is just too much of everything. It is too full of well-crafted and deeply-anchored observations on the relationships between exceptional children and their parents. There were too many heartrending family stories, too many epiphanies, too many realities, too many words and pages, and it was too interesting to stop reading.

Solomon (pictured), a Lecturer in Psychology at Cornell University, spent 10 years, interviewed 300 families, and codified 40,000 pages of notes to 960 pages, in the process of mining the question, “To what extent should parents accept their children for who they are, and to what extent should they help them become their best selves.” As if this wasn’t a colossal  enough conundrum to explore, Solomon amplifies the issue by examining it in the context of families coping with deafness, dwarfism, Down syndrome, autism, schizophrenia, multiple severe disabilities, with children who are prodigies, who are conceived in rape, who become criminals, who are transgender. 

The author was compelled to explore “different children” and their parents as a result of his own identity struggles as a gay child of straight parents – which could suggest agenda-driven research. However, there are two things that, for me at least, underpinned the objectivity of his results. First, it didn’t take him precisely where he thought it would. Solomon said, “Many conditions I had thought of as illnesses emerged as identities in the course of my research. When one can experience a condition as an identity, one can find pride and satisfaction in it. People who don't share such a condition with their parents must build horizontal identity among others who do share it.” (FYI - horizontal identity is peer-oriented, vertical identity is inherited or learned at home). Also, the words of the parents he interviewed cut like a knife in their clarity and meaning. Here are a few examples. Click on Read More...

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain

Several months ago I provided a rather pithy review of Susan Cain’s nonfiction book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. However, since this is one of the better nonfiction books I read in 2012, I wanted to provide a more comprehensive critique.

Quiet was just the rationalization I was looking for to justify my hardwired inclinations to isolate myself from the world, and it made me question why I even needed to pardon that proclivity. Unfortunately, this is also why Quiet wasn’t as good as it could have been. 

Cain’s examination of quietness goes beyond the individual to the global. In fact, she connects events such as the Wall Street meltdown and the endless succession of wars to the extroverts of the world who are so forceful and self-assured that they rampage unchecked, dragging the rest of us along in their force field. Of course the irony here is that it takes two to drag, the dragger and the drag-ee.

Quiet also examines introversion in a variety of contexts, like families (e.g., the quiet kids vs. ring leaders) and work (e.g., the invisible cubicle mutes vs. the verbose water cooler jockeys), all of which felt familiar and gratifying in a somewhat unsavory manner. It also identifies the contributions of famous introverts of the world (i.e., J. K. Rowlings, Albert Einstein, Charles M. Schulz, Meryl Streep, Warren Buffett, and Rosa Parks). In fact, Cain glorifies introverts and vilifies extroverts to the point that I, as one reviewer observed, “…got tired of being patted on the head.”

Since Quiet is on the “best nonfiction of 2012” list of Amazon, Barnes & Noble, People Magazine, Goodreads, Today Show, Audible.com, and many others, I could speculate that introverts are the readers of the world and also drive sales of books written to help them stop being introverts. But I won’t. 

Bottom line, I liked Quiet and it will make my best of nonfiction 2012 list too, but I suspect that extroverts who read it will be ambivalent in their imperviousness, and introverts who read it will feel ill at ease with their newly acquired self-righteousness.

Humble request sheds light on how to do holy work these holidays By Judy Knotts

(My friend Judy Knotts is the former and current interim head of St. Gabriel’s Catholic School in Austin, and a columnist for the Austin American-Statesman - below column was re-printed with permission.)

It was a blustery winter day. The wind whipped about spiraling dry leaves and paper scraps everywhere. As I searched for a close-in parking space in the enormous Walmart lot, I glanced at the temperature gage, 35 degrees. The near freezing conditions and dark clouds overhead made it feel like snow or “mixed precipitation” as the weather forecasters like to say. After hunting for my gloves, I wrapped my fleece jacket around me tightly, and hurried from my car to the entrance of the store.

Near the door, an old woman wrapped in a light shawl sat on a wooden bench waiting. Her dark eyes seemed to pierce right through me. Then she spoke, “Please Dearie, can you spare some change for a pair of britches? I have none.”

I was completely taken aback, embarrassed for her, embarrassed for me, and embarrassed for passersby’s who might have heard this uniquely intimate plea. My imagination went wild for a few moments. I tried to figure out how this could be! Was she raped? Were her underclothes so ripped that they were beyond repair? Were they soiled? After a few minutes of this free-range panicking, I realized it really didn’t matter, the fact remained that under her skirt she was wearing nothing.

Over the years panhandlers have asked for money, a hamburger, dog food, or coffee, but no one has ever pleaded for this basic necessity — underwear. How desperate she must have been to beg, feeling exposed and totally stripped of human dignity. Click on Read More Below...

The Homestead on Foxridge Ben & Breakfast

I recently found out that one of my school mates, Leta Smithson Thomas, Leta Jo to me, owns a bed and breakfast just west of San Antonio in Helotes, so I went to the website to check it out, and gal howdy, it is fantastic!

If you, your family or friends need a place to stay when you are in the San Antonio area (family trip to Sea World or Fiesta Texas, live music at John T. Floore's Country Store, dinner at the lovely Gray Moss Inn, golfing at Briggs Ranch, wedding, etc), or if you just need to get away to somewhere quiet and serene for a few days, Foxridge is the place for you. The pool area is beautiful and the breakfast to die for.

You can access the Homestead on Foxridge here, or call her at the phone # above.  When you go to Foxridge be sure to give Leta Jo a hug for me! You can thank me later.

Best Masseuse!

Yes I am glowing from my fabulous massage from Wilma Schindeler, and you can glow too!

Contact Wilma at
432-386-2222
or
wilmaschindeler@mac.com.

To The Book Goddesses, With Love - SueAnn

HAPPY 12TH BIRTHDAY SYDNEY

The Beautiful Mystery by Louise Penny

There were so many things I enjoyed about The Beautiful Mystery by Louise Penny, and a few tiny things that I didn’t.   

A Gregorian monk is murdered at Saint-Gilbert-Entre-les-Loups, a 200-year-old abbey in Quebec. Chief Inspector Armand Gamache and Inspector Jean-Guy Beauvoir, of the Surete du Quebec (police), the only non-monks ever allowed into Saint-Gilbert, arrive to find a stunningly beautiful monastery, and the choirmaster with his head bashed in.

Turns out the 24 monks that make up the abbey are there because they were “recruited,” not based upon piety, but rather their singing voices. Chanting is at the core of the monastery, the mystery and the murder. The why’s, how’s, history and politics of chanting – which is "The Beautiful Mystery," is also the conflict that incited murder among the otherwise holier-than-thous (no sarcasm intended).  

I listened to the audio book and I’m glad that I did as it included snippets of beautiful chants  throughout, and the narrator, Ralph Cosham, was wonderful. He is the first narrator that’s made me want to listen to another book, simply because he reads it. At the end of my review I’ll provide an audio sample of  Ralph Cosham’s reading of The Beautiful Mystery, and a sample chant, so you can appreciate Penny’s commendable writing, Cosham's narrative skills, and learn a little history about chants – all things that I loved about this book.

I didn’t like that I sometimes felt a little lost. The Beautiful Mystery is one in Louise Penny’s series of books that include Chief Inspector Gamache and Inspector Beauvoir. They have history, and that history is somewhat important in understanding the dynamics of the story. A bit of that history was revealed, but I felt like an outsider. I suspect that Penny has a strong following as the tension between the characters was apparent and engaging, and would no doubt be even more so if one fully understood what got them there.

I also found a couple of the plot lines and characters unbelievable. For example, Beauvoir is introduced as a loving, smart and loyal persona, and yet he becomes something else so radically, and in my opinion, too quickly to be believable. Also, it was implied that the Catholic Church didn’t know that this monastery existed – but the monks at Saint-Gilbert-Entre-les-Loups had recorded a CD of chants, which went viral, bringing the world, literally and figuratively to their doors. It was only when the choirmaster was murdered that an emissary from Rome arrived.

And When She Was Good by Laura Lippman

And When She Was Good was so bad that I am disinclined to spend much time on a review. But if I can save some other idiot unsuspecting victim from launching into a time warp of mediocrity, I guess it is worth the effort.

Heloise is the main character of the book. Actually putting the word “character” and Heloise in such close proximity feels wrong, so lets just call her the main “person.”  Heloise, the main person in the book, was raised in a dysfunctional family with a wimp mother and an abusive father. She runs away, straight into the arms of several abusive lovers. Then becomes a prostitute under the rule of an abusive pimp. But of course she’s smarter, prettier and better in bed than everyone else, and of course she has a heart of gold, loves her son, and wants to get out of “the business.” Right. No clichés in there!

The reader could conjure up some sympathy for Heloise if she was even remotely likeable, which would make the story more compelling, but the chasms between poor Heloise and smart Heloise and stupid Heloise were just too wide, and the plot is so full of fluff I felt like I was in a pillow fight.

I’ve only read one other book by Lippman, What The Dead Know, but I remember that one being much better. Come on Laura (pictured), even your die-hard fans had a hard time liking this one.

And When She Was Good is nothing close to good. It is in fact very, very bad.

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times - Chapter 95

#95 Republicans care about money. Democrats care about people.

  (Mom, Willie Belle Forbes Wade, with Governor Ann Richards)

When I was a child, I asked my mom, “What’s the difference between Republicans and Democrats?”  With just the slightest pause, perhaps thinking how to explain something very complicated to an eight-year-old, she replied, “Republicans care about money. Democrats care about people.”

I don’t remember knowing at that time whether mom was a Democrat or a Republican, but I do remember knowing decisively, at that very moment, that I would always be a Democrat because I wanted to care about people and I didn't want to care about money.

Mom didn’t say that Republicans or Democrats were good or bad. She just gave me information so I could decide what was important to me. And I did.

The Family That Couldn't Sleep: A Medical Mystery by D. T. Max

The Family That Couldn’t Sleep is a well written, fascinating, terrifying and depressing read, so only read it if you have a rather morbid curiosity about scary medical conditions and aren’t freaked out by doomsayers.

 

Author D. T. Max (pictured right) does a good job of explaining a complicated group of related disorders caused by radical proteins called prion disease, which scientists predict will come to overshadow bird flu, aids and other viruses within the next two decades. 

He begins with the story of an Italian family that for at least 200 years has been plagued by an extremely rare hereditary disorder called fatal familial insomnia that, after the onset at approximately 50 years of age, destroys the brain’s capacity to fall asleep. There are about 40 families around the world known to have this horrible disease, the symptoms of which are particularly ugly. Victims begin to hold the head stiffly to one side and sweat profusely. Then their pupils contract to pinpoints, their heart rate increases dramatically, and sleep becomes impossible. Dementia is followed by a coma, and then death from exhaustion in about a year or two. So far doctors have not found anything to stop the progress of the illness, which is passed to one half of each succeeding generation.

The author then takes us to New Guinea where a related neurological condition, kuru, is discovered in the Fore tribe, who, after eating the brains of their dead relatives as a show of respect, develop symptoms similar to those of fatal familial insomnia. This brain-eating thing reminded me of Jean Aurel’s book, Clan of the Cave Bear, a fictional account of a pre-historic family who ate the brains of their deceased family members to gain their knowledge. The major difference being that kuru was discovered in 1976!

And then there’s bovine spongiform encephalopathy, commonly known as mad cow disease, and chronic wasting disease in deer, both of which are fatal neurodegenerative disease that causes a spongy degeneration in the brain and spinal cord; and sheep scrapies, a disease that makes sheep so itchy they scratch themselves bald and bloody in their search for relief. These three diseases apparently started when man got the bright idea to turn animals into cannibals to make them grow bigger and therefore more profitable for their owners. Yep, they were grinding up dead cows, sheep and deer to make feed for them, including the ones who died of the above prion diseases, passing along the disease to others cows, sheep and deer, and ultimately to us eaters of cows, sheep and deer. Max says, “Prions sit at the intersection of humans' ambition and nature's unpredictability and it is hard to say which is more dangerous.” Lovely.