100 Things I Want to Tell My Children and Grandchildren: #8

I met Madalyn Murray O'Hair

One cold winter night in Austin around 1979, while looking for the office of a psychiatrist (post-divorce therapy), I accidentally wandered into Madalyn Murray O’Hair’s office. You may recall that Madalyn Murray O’Hair founded the American Atheists organization in 1963. This was four years after she had filed suit against her son's school, leading to a Supreme Court decision ending religious activities in public schools. I immediately recognized Mrs. O’Hair when I entered the room as she was the internationally recognized face of Atheism and had been in the news many times. 

Although one might expect to see a cliché dressed in black surrounded by upside down crosses, instead before me, seated at a large desk covered by the detritus common to business, was a nicely dressed white-haired and bespectacled grandmotherly looking woman. Standing beside her was her son Jon, a tall almost handsome man with dark hair who appeared to be in his early 40’s. They were examining and discussing a document Jon was holding in his hand. (Pictured, Jon, Madalyn and granddaughter Robin)

After a couple of beats, when it became obvious they did not hear me enter, I cleared my throat. Startled, Madalyn and Jon looked up at me with what I can only describe as fear. Mrs. O’Hair was constantly receiving death threats. I could have been the loony, religious zealot there to avenge.  Their looks of fear melted into relief when I meekly said, “Can you tell me where Dr. Johnson’s office is?” 

In a tragic twist of fate, some years later Madalyn Murray O’Hair, her son Jon and a granddaughter were victims of a macabre murder. 

Click on “Read More” below if you are interested in this history. 

Blood Will Out: The True Story Of A Murder, A Mystery, And A Masquerade by Walter Kirn

Blood Will Out is about Christian Karl Gerhartsreiter (AKA Clark Rockefeller) a life-long impostor who deceives some people into believing he is an eccentric Rockefeller heir of aristocracy and wealth – that is until he is outed as a poser when he is arrested, tried and convicted of murder. This story is pretty interesting.

Blood Will Out is also about author Walter Kirn, a midwesterner from humble origins, whose own desperate ambition seems just a couple of moral notches above that of Gerharstreiter/Rockefeller. Kern goes to extreme effort to meet Clark Rockefeller just because he is a Rockefeller, and befriends him for 15 years prior to the revelation that he is a con artist. Kirn then ends up chronicling Rockefeller/ Gerhartsreiter murder trial, all the while pondering in disbelief his own gullibility. Now this story is VERY interesting.

Kirn is obsessed, to the point of blindness, with the fake Rockefeller, whose falsehood is clear it seems to everyone but Kirn. Attending Rockefeller’s murder trial, Kirn reflects back on his years of friendship and alternately ponders the possibility that it is all just a big misunderstanding, and how he could have been so thoroughly duped. What is most fascinating about this book is that Kirn clearly wanted to be duped. Rockefeller claimed to have never eaten a hamburger, had gone to Yale at 14, was a friend of Britney Spears, and to have a master key to all of the buildings in Rockefeller Center. (Kirn and Gerharstreiter/Rockefeller pictured)

Kirn is probably best known for his books, Up In The Air and Thumbsucker, both of which were made into movies.  But an earlier memoir, Lost in the Meritocracy, is the story of his “gift for mimicking authority figures and playing back to them their own ideas as though they were conclusions I’d reached myself.” The irony here is just so thick. “My fraudulence,” writes Kirn, “was in a way the truest thing about me. It represented ambition, longing, need. It sprung from the deepest chambers of my soul.” And almost in the next breath, Kirn complains that Rockefeller’s affect on him was ‘Galilean.’ "It humbled me. It reoriented everything. It revealed to me the size and power of my ignorance and vanity."   

I recommend that you read Blood Will Out because it is a spooky, well-written study of two irrational, yet intriguing characters, both living on the fringes of sanity, and both imprisoned by their delusions of grandeur.

The Good House by Ann Leary

I recall a quote from some aging celeb that went something along the lines of, “When you’re 30 you need good looks, at 40 you need money, and at 50+ you need a sense of humor.” Hildy Good, the narrator and main character of The Good House, a 60-something, successful realtor in a fictionalized New England coastal village, has a wicked and endearing sense of humor. She’s also a descendant of the “Salem witches” and although her friends have pegged her as a psychic, she’s really just an intuitive person with keen powers of observation and a storehouse of accumulated knowledge. The Good House has a number of plot lines and characters in its orbit, including Hildy’s likable and unlikely antediluvian paramour, local garbage man Frank Getchell, and stories of friendship, infidelity, treachery and intrigue. But this book is really about one thing, Hildy’s alcoholism.

The reason Hildy’s struggle with alcoholism feels so true is because it is. Author Leary (pictured) is a recovering alcoholic (and fyi – she’s comedian/actor Denis Leary’s wife). Hildy’s daughters intervene and although she goes into recovery, Hildy convinces herself (and nearly us) that there’s no harm in a glass of wine. “Really, Thanksgiving is a lot to ask of a sober person.” she tells us, along with more creative rationalizations, like, she’s a nicer person when she’s drinking.

I listed to the audio version of The Good House and thoroughly enjoyed Mary Beth Hurt's reading. Macmillan Audio provided an audio clip, which I believe you will enjoy. Click on Read More below to listen to that excerpt.

So go ahead and read (or listen to) The Good House because you’ll like Hildy; she’ll make you laugh, and the New England setting is pretty interesting. Oh, and you’ll be one up on the soon-to-be-released movie starring Meryl Streep and Robert De Niro.

Very Smart Gals Salon

Really now, how often do you hear someone say, “Do you think my car will be secure in valet parking? I have 150 pairs of men’s underwear in my back seat.”

But then this is just the type of thing I expect when I bring together extraordinary women, which I did last Wednesday night in the Secret Bar of the W Hotel in downtown Austin. Attending were  Linda Ball, Judith Knotts and Melissa D’Antoni (pictured l-r).

Linda Ball - where do I possibly start to efficaciously portray just how dynamic and thought-provoking this Very Smart Gal is? Perhaps you recognize Linda’s name, which is typically attached to her husband Forest Preece and to a plethora of Austin non-profits, as they are highly recognized community supporters. Although Linda downplayed her very early involvement in the computer industry, this mathematician, Dallas native and long-time Austin resident, was probably an anomaly in the at-the-time male dominated industry. Linda is a dedicated music and film buff, a downtown walker, and a savant it seems on just about any topic that comes up. My question to her about her trips to New York I’d seen mentioned on Facebook brought out Linda’s stories about her two-year odyssey of reading the once-censored Ulysses by James Joyce, and her annual trek to Bloomsday, a commemoration and celebration of the life of the Irish writer at the Ulysses Pub in NYC. Linda spoke with unmasked adoration of famous author Colum McCann’s (Let The Great World Spin, etc.) warm hosting of the event and what a thrill it was for her to meet and exchange with him.  I could spend a couple of pages talking about what a Very Smart Gal Linda is, but you get the gist.

Dr. Judith Knotts, asker of said underwear question, and an unflagging supporter of the homeless, is the only person I know who trolls the alleys of Austin checking on her friends, giving them the basic stuff we the fortunate take for granted, like underwear. Judy is the Interim Head of School at St. Michael’s Catholic Academy and former Head of School at St. Gabriel’s Catholic School. She earned her doctorate in Educational Administration at Virginia Tech, and has studied at the University of Oxford.  Judy has also served as a National Advisory Board Member for Harvard University’s Principals’ Center, co-authored the book, Growing Wisdom, Growing Wonder, and exquisitely pens a religious column called In Your Words for the Austin American-Statesman. Commendably, in spite of my religious fence riding, she likes me! What a gift it is to be a friend of this Very Smart Gal.

Melissa D’Antoni is a mystic, artist, visionary and life muse who, upon our first encounter, seemed to see my soul. She owns Fire Tree Studio, a registered methodology she describes as: …a guided path of awakening where individuals seeking self-empowerment can heighten their creativity, discover their full self-expression and celebrate their potential and prosperity — with passion and practicality. Melissa has one of the most interesting bios I’ve read, but a couple of things jumped out at me. She has a BA in English Literature and minor in Studio Art from Tulane University, and she left a successful career in internet and technology marketing based in San Francisco, canceled her wedding, and moved to Austin with the promise to never compromise herself and her truth again.
Melissa explained that her studio is located on the 85-year-old Commodore Perry Estate, which led to an intriguing discussion about the history of that home. You really must visit Melissa at her studio (pictured) to appreciate this Very Smart and unique Gal. 

Why I don’t host a couple of Very Smart Gals Salons a week is a bit of a mystery to me. I guess my reclusive tendencies trump the staggering gratification I always receive from being within the aura of the amazing women who populate our planet. But, spurred on by the residue of evenings like this, I’ll keep trying to overcome my psychosis. Thank you Very Smart Gals Melissa, Judy and Linda. 

100 Things I Want to Tell My Children and Grandchildren: #7

Don’t mess with the IRS.

(Picture is of me, 1984)

If you've never had a terrifying encounter with the Internal Revenue Service, raise your hand. Anyone? Anyone? I didn’t think so.  Mine was in 1984 when I received a letter from the IRS claiming I owed $10,000 in back taxes from 1982.

Since my employer automatically deducted taxes from my monthly paycheck in 1982, I just ignored the letter thinking the IRS had made a mistake.  However, when I failed to get a paycheck from my employer in 1984 because the IRS had garnished my wages and would continue to garnish my wages until the 1982 back taxes were paid, I could no longer ignore them.

When I called the IRS in tears, they said the back taxes were actually for wages earned by my x-husband.  They continued to explain that when you divorce and file your taxes jointly for the year you are divorcing, both parties are responsible for any and all taxes due during that year. I was easier to track down than he, so I was the one whose wages were garnished!

I immediately consulted a tax attorney who said, “We can fix that! We’ll apply for Innocent Spousal Relief and you won’t have to pay a thing to the IRS.”  When I asked what he would charge to provide this exceedingly beneficial-to-me service, he responded, “About $10,000.” 

So I paid the taxes, licked my wounds, and learned a really hard lesson.

Don’t mess with the IRS!

The Most Human Human: What Talking with Computers Teaches Us About What It Means to Be Alive By Brian Christian

When I read in People Magazine that Elon Musk was reading The Most Human Human: What Talking with Computers Teaches Us About What It Means to Be Alive by Brian Christian, I had to read it. Elon and I have a long and polarized relationship.

You know Elon, right?? (pictured) He dropped out of the Stanford Physics Ph.D. program at the age of 24, and created and sold PayPal for $1.5 billion. Oh, and he invented the Telsa and now builds spaceships.  Anyway, I describe Elon and my relationship as polarized because he’s never heard of me, whereas I am extremely jealous of his brilliance and success, but back to the book. 

The Most Human Human is about Brian Christian’s invitation to serve as a judge in the annual Loebner Prize. This prize goes to the creators of a “chatterbot” computer program designed to simulate a human in small talk, considered by the judges to be the most human-like. In each round, a human judge simultaneously holds computer conversations with a chatterbot and a human via computer. Based upon the responses, the judge must decide which is which. $25,000 is offered for the first chatterbot judges cannot distinguish from a real human and which can convince judges the human is the computer program. $100,000 is the reward for the first chatterbot judges cannot distinguish from a real human. Once this is achieved, the annual competition will end. So far computers have come within one point of winning.

The format is based upon the Turing test, which was introduced by Alan Turing in his 1950 paper "Computing Machinery and Intelligence" which posed an essential concept in the philosophy of artificial intelligence, “Can machines think?”

Christian enters the challenge determined to get “in shape” to not let a computer program fool him into thinking it is human and, in the process, he learns a lot about what makes humans human and comes to the conclusion that if the computer programs win (most sources predict they will eventually), it will not be because computers are getting better at acting human but rather because humans are getting worse at acting human. He points to the computerization of our lives as the major culprit in our dehumanizing, saying “The more helpful our phones get, the harder it is to be ourselves.”

I found it completely clever (human) that one of the best chatterbots created so far defaulted to sarcasm and diversion when it couldn’t follow a conversation. For example, if I said, “So what’s your position on abortion?” or “Do you think Putin will drop the you know what?” the computer might say, “I really don’t want to get into it,” or “That’s a dumb topic. If you can’t think of anything else to talk about, let’s just cut this conversation short.”

So did Brian beat the bots? I guess you’ll just have to read the book, and Elon and I recommend you do.

Ninety Percent of Everything: Inside Shipping, the Invisible Industry That Puts Clothes on Your Back, Gas in Your Car, and Food on Your Plate by Rose George

My bestie in New Mexico doesn’t typically recommend nonfiction books, so when she recommended that I read Ninety Percent of Everything: Inside Shipping, the Invisible Industry That Puts Clothes on Your Back, Gas in Your Car, and Food on Your Plate, I knew it must be good, and it was. The title tells you exactly why this book is interesting and why you should care about the shipping industry. We should care because 90% of everything we touch and consume comes to us on gigantic yet virtually invisible cargo ships, dramatically impacting the global economy.  This frequently quoted passage from the book illustrates the financial issues at stake. Shipping is so cheap that it makes more financial sense for Scottish cod to be sent 10,000 miles to China to be filleted, then sent back to Scottish shops and restaurants, than to pay Scottish filleters. 

Ninety Percent of Everything is a well-written and intriguing chronicle of the obscure, yet curious world of maritime transportation as told by 20-something-year-old journalist, Rose George, who was a 5-week passenger on a Danish cargo ship. For example, a vast majority of the people who work on cargo ships are Filipinos because they will work for almost nothing, accept being with their families just a few weeks out of the year, and they speak English. And then there’s the “flag of convenience rule” which allows ships to register under the flag of countries with notoriously lax shipping safety and security regulations.

If you’ve seen Tom Hanks latest, “Captain Phillips” you have a pretty clear idea of what modern-day piracy looks like, and George (pictured) deals with this topic as well, when she spends a week with the Portuguese Navy patrolling for pirates. Her accounts however, are even more bloodcurdling, as she sheds more light on the frequency and brutality.

I found it ironic that although about 2,000 seafarers die each year and two cargo-ships go missing each week, we never hear about it. Is it the lawless nature of the business that allows these issues to be swept under the oceanic carpet, the “cheapness” of the lives of the crews, the millions of dollars at stake, or all of the above?

I remember in 1968 when it was reported Jacqueline Kennedy was marrying a shipping magnate, Aristotle Socrates Onassis. Why in the world would our former First Lady get involved with a Greek in the shipping business, I wondered? Well, I understand now. Shipping is very big busine$$. And it is an intriguing business, especially as told by Rose George.

So, yes, I recommend you read Ninety Percent of Everything.  And by the way, I’ve heard her other book, The Big Necessity The Unmentionable World of Human Waste and Why It Matters, and which is on my bedside table waiting to be cracked, is equally fascinating.