One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times - Chapter 98

#98  “I'll leave the front porch light on for you.”

Happy Birthday to my brother, Jessie Sidney Wade, Jr., (pictured left), "The Golden Seed," the only boy in a family with four daughters. 

Number 98 of the 100 things my mom taught me a million times may not sound like a lesson, but it is, because it so reflects my mom’s general outlook on life, which was all about subtlety.

My generation’s parents commonly said, “I’ll leave the front porch light on for you.” First because we all had porches because we didn’t have air conditioning, and during the hot summers that’s where everyone sat and slept. 

And second, leaving the front porch light on was my generation’s “parent-speak” for dating rules, meaning, “I’m paying attention to when you get home, so don’t sit too long in the car in front of the house at the end of your date.”

Another notable point of reference for the porch light was the Motel 6 advertisements from the 1980’s in which Tom Bodett said the famous line, "We'll leave the light on for you." Something about that statement exuded warmth and love. It said, “I care that you arrive safely.” Although I doubt that ad campaign packed the Motel 6 rooms, no one who heard Tom Bodett say those words will ever forget them.

But back to mom’s subtlety, front porch lights, and dating protocol. She would never say to me, “You better be home by 11 pm or else!” She would never even mention if I was a little late. She didn’t have to. She knew I knew a proper time to be home, and she knew I’d feel guilty if I was late. It was all so unspoken, and so silently effective, as were all the things my mom taught me over and over again, which pretty much sums up my mom. She was silently effective.

And then there was the time that my boyfriend and I were making out in the car in front of the house, and mom switched the porch light off and on twice. I still feel guilty about that time! How did she know that I was just about to do something I shouldn’t? Much to my boyfriend’s frustration she stopped me dead in my tracks with a simple blinking porch light!

So mom was right. Leave the front porch light on for those you love. It so sweetly and silently says, “I love you and care about you.”

Heads In Beds - A Reckless Memoir of Hotels, Hustles, and So-Called Hospitality By Jacob Tomsky

I got a text from my best friend saying, “You’ll love this book. It’s the Kitchen Confidential of hotels.” At the time I was well into reading Running The Rift and The Passage of Power, both “best of 2012” books. But I’m a shameless sucker for exposé, and I needed something light to sooth my raging case of flu. So I dropped them like hot rocks and went straight into Heads in Beds.

Yes, Tomsky is a sophomoric Anthony Bourdain, but it was still fun to hear a behind-the-scene’s rendition of what goes on in hotels. Most of what I gleaned from the book is that you should be sure to give every single person in the hotel a hefty tip, or face the perils of retribution. Ugly to the front desk, you’ll end up in the worst room in the hotel. Skip the tip to the valet service; your tires may be minus plenty of rubber by the time you get your car delivered to the front of the hotel. Bitch about the room service, someone will surely spit on your eggs.

However, Tomsky also makes it clear that a bit of humanity and kindness shown towards the hotel staff goes a long way. Exercise some patience, drop the arrogant demanding voice tone, express some appreciation, and you’ll most likely be treated like a king or queen.

Of course Heads in Beds is full of funny stories, and Tomsky’s (pictured) sarcasm is mostly clever and entertaining. I came out of this book (it’s a very quick read) with two things. One, which I really liked and adopted immediately (ill advised or not), and the other, which made me a little queasy.

The one I latched onto was Tomsky’s advice that you walk into a hotel, place a $20 bill on the front desk and say to the clerk, “This is for you for whatever you can do to enhance my stay in your hotel.” He promises that if you openly do this before you begin any negotiations with the front desk, you’ll get the royal treatment. However, I have to say that I did this at the first hotel I stayed at after reading the book, and although our rooms were really nice, I never saw the person at the front desk again. Maybe it doesn’t work as well at the Hampton Inn in San Angelo as it does in New York City. Click on read more below...

Things I Wish My Mom Had Told Me: A Guide to Living with Impeccable Grace and Style by Lucia van der Post

I enjoyed researching the background for my review of Lucia van der Post’s Things I Wish My Mom Had Told Me as much if not more than the book.  More on that later, but first, let me tell you about the book and the author.

One day while standing in the checkout line at Anthropology, I fell victim to one of those seductive “impulse buy” table of items. You know what I mean. At Target it’s gossip magazines, candy and super glue. At Anthropology it’s adorable little tea cups, salt and pepper shakers shaped like birds, luxurious journals, and books with intriguing titles, like Things I Wish My Mom Had Told Me: A Guide to Living with Impeccable Grace and Style.

The table of contents promised tidbits of wisdom on clothes and looking good, love, marriage and kids, work, food, home, perfect presents, and how to have fun! Wow, I thought, I can use a brush-up on those topics. Of course lurking in the back of my mind was curiosity as to how this book might compare to my One Hundred Things My Mom Taught Me A Million Times. 

Although it is quite apparent in reading the book that author Lucia van der Post (pictured) is not your average advice columnist, it wasn’t until I embarked on this review that I found out just exactly how weirdly famous she is. Van der Post, called the “Grande Dame of Luxury” and a “Renowned Style Arbiter,” is Founding Editor of the curiously titled and wildly popular How To Spend It pages of the UK-based Financial Times. Her many awards are even more curiously titled, and include the Luxury Briefing Award for Excellence, and several Jasmines for perfume features. Her father Laurens van der Post, described as Afrikaner, author, war hero, political adviser to British heads of government, close friend of Prince Charles, godfather of Prince William, humanitarian, philosopher, explorer, conservationist, and accused fraud, is even more alluring, but I digress. Click on read more below...

People Who Eat Darkness - The True Story of a Young Woman Who Vanished From the Streets of Tokyo - and the Evil That Swallowed Her Up, By Richard Lloyd Parry

The original title of this book was People Who Eat Darkness. The subtitle was added for American audiences. What does that say about us? While you are thinking about that, I’ll fill you in on this oddly engaging book.

This is the “true crime” story about a 21-year-old British former flight attendant, Lucy Blackman (pictured), who moved to Tokyo at the invitation of a friend. Her friend assured her that she could make gobs of money working as a "hostess" in the Roppongi entertainment district clubs. Unfortunately, Lucy hooked up with a serial sex offender and ended up drugged, dismembered and buried in a cave. Interestingly, that was sort of the least interesting part of the book.

 

What kept me reading was author Richard Lloyd Parry’s exposé of the Japanese culture, and his keen observations on how Lucy’s disappearance and death so drastically affected each member of her family.

To begin with, I found it uncomfortably enthralling that a 21-year-old girl would move to Tokyo to take a job literally, and only, flirting with and flattering men – a 21^st century Geisha. Western women are highly valued by the wealthy Japanese businessmen who frequent the Roppongi clubs. For some reason it would seem less disturbing if they were prostitutes.

And then there’s the Japanese criminal justice system, which even Parry (pictured), who was the Tokyo bureau chief for the London Times for 10 years could not explain. Tokyo consistently ranks among the world's safest large cities. But as Parry pointed out, “low crime rates says more about Japanese culture than about police efficiency.” And in fact, it seemed that the police were so inexperienced at dealing with abduction and murder that they just really didn’t know what to do. So they didn’t do much of anything. 

2012 Best Books List Digest (From Other Sources)

I am always curious about what other people are reading. So I researched numerous sources of "best books of 2012," and although some of my 2012 favorites were on many of those lists, most were not. There were a number of books not on my list that kept popping up on other best of lists. Being the eternal, nieve optimist, I assume they must be good! So here's are the top 19:

Running The Rift, by Naomi Benaron 

People Who Eat Darkness: The Fate of Lucie Blackman, by Richard Lloyd Parry

The Casual Vacancy, by J.K. Rowling

Mr. Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore, by Robin Sloan

The Passage of Power, by Robert A. Caro

The Round House, by Louise Erdrich

Behind the Beautiful Forevers: Life, Death, and Hope in a Mumbai Undercity, by Katherine Boo

The Yellow Birds, by Kevin Powers

Where'd You Go, Bernadette, by Maria Semple

The Light Between Oceans, by M.L. Stedman

The Age of Miracles, by Karen Thompson Walker 

A Grown-Up Kind of Pretty, by Joshilyn Jackson 

The Dog Stars, by Peter Heller

In the Shadow of the Banyan, by Vaddey Ratner 

Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk, by Ben Fountain

Flight Behavior, by Barbara Kingsolver

Prague Winter: A Personal Story of Remembrance and War, 1937-1948, by Madeleine Albright

Let's Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir, by Jenny Lawson

Bring Up the Bodies (Thomas Cromwell, #2), by Hilary Mantel