One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times - Chapter 12

#12 "You cannot reason with children."

Every time my mom taught me this one-of-one hundred things she taught me a million times, I got this irrationally creepy feeling in the pit of my stomach, because it felt like she was devaluing the intellect of children. Actually, it didn't mean Jill to me until I brought my own intellectually superior and flawless children into the world. Then it became a personal insult. I would roll my eyes and think, "What does she know. My kids are just a lot smarter than hers." Oh wait; I am one of her kids. Well, the point is that I was convinced that my generation would somehow magically just be able to raise kids better, i.e., how to reason with them.

As though it happened moments ago I recall the smell in the air. Melting pavement mixed with baby powder, and that fragrance that only a 100-degree summer day in West Texas can produce. I was in downtown Odessa, when there was a downtown Odessa, and I had with me, my oldest son Cuatro, then about 3-years old, and my daughter JoLene, who was still in an infant seat. Colt was riding comfortably and obliviously in my tummy, yet unaware of the crazy world into which I was bringing him. Click on Read More Below...

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times - Chapter 11

#11 - "Always put your husband above your children. Children grow up and leave, but you’ve got to live with your husband forever."

As I sit here staring at the blinking cursor, wondering what to say about this lesson my mom taught me a million times, I push myself to not think. My head knows what it wants to reveal, but the cautious side of me wants to pretty it up. I should probably talk about mom's lesson, "Don't tell too much about yourself. It makes you vulnerable." But unwisely, I'll save that one for later, and instead, just stick it out there.

Since I've been through a number of husbands (I'll bet you're wondering how many), I obviously haven't taken this lesson to heart. In fact, my current, and hopefully last husband will tell you that when we were contemplating marriage (I still remember that queasy feeling 20 years later), I told him outright, "My kids come first. You will never be first, and if you can't handle that, then check out now." To his credit, he's always honored that decree, and it is just one of the many reasons I love him. Click on Read More Below...

Geek Love by Katherine Dunn

"Geek Love" by Katherine Dunn is without a doubt the sickest book I ever read, and I l-o-v-e it!!! I am not even going to try to explain what this beyond creepy book is about. I am not usually attracted to books of this genre, but the writing is so good and the story so imaginative that I couldn't help myself.

Amazing, lyrical, disgusting, wonderful!

Julie & Julia- The Book (Not the Movie!)

Since the movie Julie & Julia is out and all the rage, I wanted to have my say. First, I admit that I haven’t seen the movie, but have seen many reviews and gotten feedback from friends who have seen it. A common theme of those reviews and comments is that Meryl Streep steals the show as Julia Child, and is hilarious and endearing, and that Amy Adams as Julie Powell, is slow and annoying. Please Read The Book!!

I can’t help but feel that the movie just exploits our love of Meryl Streep (to sell movie tickets) and ignores the true story, which is actually very little about Julia Child and all about Julie Powell. Julie, who is an Austin gal, wrote this wonderful book, which I think deserves better treatment. It is a great, laugh out loud story that made me want to adopt her as my daughter. I felt the same about the book and movie, Under The Tuscan Sun – wonderful book, mediocre movie that was nothing, nothing like the book.

So please buy and read Julie & Julia by Julie Powell. You’ll be glad you did.

The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman, 2009 Newbery Medal Winner

In what has become a tradition, each summer my granddaughter attends horse camp in Austin, and during the commute to and from camp each day, we listen to a book on my iPod. Last year we listened to Audie Award winner, Tall Grass, by Sandra Dallas, and it was rich and rewarding. We would discuss the book, the characters and plot, and Sydney would ask me questions about things she didn’t understand. This year, I chose Coraline, by Neil Gaiman, and it too was lovely, and provocative in a fun and intellectually spooky way. But the book I must tell you about today is The Graveyard Book, also by Gaiman.

The Graveyard Book first grabbed my attention because for it, Gaiman received the 2009 Newbery Medal, an annual award given to an author for the most distinguished contribution to American literature for children. However, what made me curious enough to purchase the book was repeated reviews saying that although this is a children’s book, adults absolutely loved it!

Farm City: The Education of an Urban Farmer by Novella Carpenter

Everywhere I looked, magazines, newspapers, online I saw rave reviews of Farm City: The Education of an Urban Farmer, by Novella Carpenter, so being the book junkie that I am, I rushed to get my fix. The book was new enough that it wasn’t available just anywhere so I ended up downloading it to my computer from eReader, a rather obscure online program through which you can download print versions. I quickly learned that eReader wasn’t nearly as “readable” as Adobe Digital and I was too busy writing grants to sit and read, so about half-way through the book I ended up downloading the audio version from Audible.com, and finished listening to it on my iPod as I drove my granddaughter to and from horse camp each morning and afternoon.

Novella Carpenter is a hybrid daughter of a hippie mom and dad, who in the 60’s and 70’s dropped out to the wilds of Idaho to live as survivalists’ – growing and hunting their own food, eschewing the urban life. Mom evidently got tired of dirt under her fingernails, and took the kids back to city life, leaving dad to grow even more feral. But the farming roots were there in Novella so when she and her husband ended up in a seriously “ghetto” rental in Oakland, CA, and there was an empty lot next door, she decided that she wanted to “get closer” to her food, so she and her hubby put in a garden and small farm, consisting of chickens, ducks, turkeys and eventually pigs.

Cowgirl Cuisine by Paula Disbrowe

Very smart gal-friend, Paula Disbrowe's, "Cowgirl Cuisine: Rustic Recipes and Cowgirl Adventures from a Texas Ranch" not only serves up dishes that will impress the hound-dog out of your friends, but the beautiful photos and warm stories really reminded this West Texas gal of home on the range.

Paula presents some divine twists on country cooking, like her Chili recipe, which includes ground cloves and lots of poblano peppers. This dish is one of those that makes your eyes roll back in your head and your knees weak. There's a salmon recipe served with a beet salsa that's the prettiest thing I've ever seen on a plate, and makes that common fish taste like a celebration! Another very smart gal-friend, Jordana, says Paula's stuffed jalapenos are "The best!"

So if you're feeling uninspired about what to do for dinner, run over to your favorite book vendor and pick up Cowgirl Cuisine. It's pretty enough to put out on the coffee table, but trust me, you'll keep it in the kitchen.

SueAnn

I'm Going to be a Grandmother, Again!

After nearly seven years of thinking that my son Cuatro and his wife Lovie were done having children (their crowning achievement being my wonderful grandson Quenten) they recently announced, via a very clever E-announcement, that they were making me a grandmother again, and we found out this week - it's going to be a gal - very smart gal! They were really hoping for another boy, so I consoled them, saying, "A future Rodeo Queen!"

Of course I know they will love their little buckarette as soon as she sinks her little spurs into their hearts! In fact, Lovie said that immediately after finding out the gender, they went to Academy and bought pink camo! Ha!

Born to Run by Christopher McDougall

I quit running years ago when it was apparent that my knees were in serious need of new gaskets, so I wasn't sure why I should read this book, but reviews of it kept popping up, and I tend to like books about "sports," so I figured, what the heck. The author, Christopher McDougall twines a good story about the anthropological, physiological, and capitalistic history of running, set in the context of seemingly unlikely companions, ultramarathoners, and a tribe of Indians indigenous to the Copper Canyon area of Mexico, the Tarahumaras.

McDougall is a fun, funny and entertaining writer, so I found my self not really caring about the authenticity or science of his fantastical stories and flamboyant characters.

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times – Chapter 10

#10 "Always speak to the wife first."
There's something in me that makes me want to dis this lesson that my mom taught me a million times, but deep in my heart, it rings true.

I was single/divorced for many years, and one of my resulting psychosis, was hating men so that they couldn't hurt me. I was hell-bent to prove that all men are robotic louses, only to be toyed with - a stupid role reversal at best.

Notes From New Mexico - Day Eleven

Day eleven of my vacation was wrought with bitter-sweet thoughts that I would soon have to come back to the reality of grant deadlines, laundry, and bills, but also great reunions with family and friends and the comfort of familiarity.

There's something about the magnificence of nature that can shake your soul and bring you to your knees in gratitude for the blessings in your life. As I drove the "back way" from Salida, Colorado to Aspen, a breath-taking, climb over the continental divide, I had alternating feelings of wishing that everyone I loved (several bus-loads) were with me to witness this indescribable beauty, and thinking that if I plunged over the side of this entirely too narrow road, the tons of money I'd thrown at my life-insurance policy would finally pay off.

Notes From New Mexico - Days Nine & Ten

The Cumbres & Toltec narrow gage train that runs from Chama to Antonito, New Mexico is pretty exciting. Seeing it cross the massive mountain meadows and chugging its way to the tops of the high-elevation passes was beautiful and nostalgic. As Deb and I raced the train to the top of the pass, we were astounded once again by the beauty of this area.


The next stop on our day-trip was to the oldest church in Colorado, Our Lady of Guadalupe Catholic Church in Conejos, Colorado. There were two particularly spectacular things about this church, other than its age.

First, the stained-glass windows were beautiful....

The second spectacular thing.......

ALERT! ALERT! If you're a devout Catholic or Christian, and you do not have a rather twisted sense of humor, please stop here - do not "Read More"

Notes From New Mexico - Day Eight

With internet access and too much coffee, I'll catch you up on days six and seven of my New Mexico and Colorado vacation, which were filled with what I call monotonous beauty. I mean, how much can one appreciate the majesty of nature. Not enough, obviously, but it is human drama that more often primes my writing. Writing about human drama can be really tricky though. Dragging friends' lives into one's creative expression feels morally wrong. You can fictionalize it, but that won't protect individual privacy within certain circles.

Notes From New Mexico - Day Five

Here I am at Campo Lindo outside of Chama, New Mexico, and really having a hard time getting motivated to blog. Plus there's the substantial problem of no internet access, which means I'm currently sitting in the Chama Visitors Bureau, along with people who actually look a lot older than me, which is really too depressing to do for very long. Which also means I'm not out in the country at the cabin listening to the birds and nothing else. Which means I'm outta here!

So.... I'm officially on vacation as of today, sans computer, sans blog, sans internet, sans "Notes from New Mexico" until further notice. Enjoy your vacation from me! I certainly will....

Notes From New Mexico - Day Four

There's nothing quite as majestic or awe inspiring as a huge thunderstorm moving across a desert-scape - massive, rolling puffs of clouds tumbling and building to unimaginable heights - lightning simultaneously lethal and beautiful, the rain on desert smell that is like no other and always welcome.

Notes From New Mexico - Day Three

Yesterday was all about me, me, me, the tumbling Rio Grande River, and millions of acres of Ponderosa Pine and Aspen trees in the high-meadows of the Rockies around Creede and Lake City, Colorado.

When Willow and Forever Amber's (Willow's friend) impassioned conversations about spiritual re-birth and other such things that I know nothing about, began to pick up momentum, I knew it was time for a little alone-time for SueAnn. It's not that I don't respect "new age" spiritualism, or whatever it is called, it is just that I am ignorant about it all and sort of like it that way. So I did what I love to do, I got in Suzette (my car), turned on an audio book (A December Wedding by Anita Shreve - my Aug. book club selection), and hit the road.

Notes From New Mexico - Day Two

Hi, me again with the continuing saga of my trek across New Mexico and Colorado. Do you have a minute? I need to talk about my massage at Ten Thousand Waves Spa.

Before I get into that though, I have to tell you about cucumber water. Just take a cucumber and slice it into some ice water. Ten Thousand Waves Spa, which is designed to look like a Japanese garden, has beautiful glass tankards of this cucumber water strategically placed all around the spa, and I couldn't stop drinking it today. I seriously considered sneaking in my Thermos and ripping off some for our afternoon drive to Pagosa Springs, Colorado. Try it. You'll love it. The cucumber flavor is very subtle and divinely
refreshing.

Notes From New Mexico - A Vacation Journal

Although I've been daydreaming about it for weeks, my long-awaited drive to New Mexico officially began yesterday morning when I awoke late, tossed my suitcase into the back of my faithful and lovely Scion, Suzette, and tore off to Lake Travis to fetch my first-leg trip companion, Willow. Our journey began with the traditional purchase of a McDonald's Egg-a-muffin. I cannot begin a trip without this breakfast. It's not that it is particularly tasty, and certainly not healthy or enriching, I just like saying Egg-a-muffin (from the movie Trading Spaces with Eddie Murphy and Dan Aykroyd,) and it's one of my travel rituals, along with peanut M&M's. I'll bet you have travel rituals too.

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times – Chapter 9

#9 "Men Like women with a little meat on their bones."
As previously mentioned, not all of the one hundred things my mother taught me a million times stuck. Unfortunately, this one stuck a little too well, metaphorically speaking. I have been described as "voluptuous" and "Rubenesque," which is really just a nice way of saying, "you're a little fat, but you still look good." I've had my "skinny" times, but those are a distant memory and a few good and cherished photos away.

Lost City of Z by David Grann

I love reading about really smart people who get themselves into really stupid situations, whatever that says about me. Like putting together a million-dollar Mount Everest climb and forgetting to take gloves, or in the case of Lost City of Z, by David Grann, numerous expeditions down the Amazon without enough food. Lost City of Z was obviously fastidiously researched, and was well written and interesting enough, but less engaging than River of Doubt, by Candice Millard, which offered the added glamour of Teddy Roosevelt who ventured down the Amazon in 1912 to lick his wounds after he was licked in his third-party attempt to be president again.

So if you want to read about copious insects, festering sores, and starvation in 110 degree heat and 120% humidity, read River of Doubt, not Lost City of Z. Or, if like me you never tire of stories about masochistic wackos doing their thing in exotic places, read both.

Candy Girl by Diablo Cody

Books are like Mexican food. What taste good to one person just doesn't cut it for another. We have all these romantic memories and points of reference, needs, prejudices, bad days, and sometimes just bad taste that dictate what we like or don't. And just because a book is on all the bestseller lists, that doesn't mean it is good. For example, The Shack, which was so infuriating and insulting that I am embarrassed to even mention in this blog. So book (movie, food) reviews can be rather meaningless, but that doesn't stop me from reading them, nor writing them.

Afterbirth for Dinner and Spanx for Men!

Every now and then I come across something so funny or crazy that I just have to share it with someone.

Afterbirth for Dinner: In this weeks Time magazine Joel Stein penned an article about his wife, saying, "There is so much you can't know about your spouse when you get married, like that one day she will want to eat her placenta."

Honor Among Cowboys (Just something I wrote)

"It ain’t natural, all those chickens and no rooster! Besides, the hens will be more content and lay better with a man around," her tall, ruggedly-handsome Texas cowboy announced.

"He stays, end of discussion." Jack turned and headed out the door whipping his blue Jean’s leg with a well-seasoned cowboy hat, sending a puff of dust back to the ranch where it belonged.

Words of The Day - Prophylaxis and Palliation

The words of the day are prophylaxis and palliation. I came across these two words while reading Mountains Beyond Mountains, by Tracy Kidder, which is a lovely book about Dr. Paul Farmer, a quiet hero/physician to Haiti's poor. Dr. Farmer quotes his mentor, German polymath, Rudolf Virchow (another fascinating character), saying "My politics are those of prophylaxis, my opponents preferred those of palliation."

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times - Chapter 8

#8 - "Always leave an inch of tipping room from the top of your cup or glass." 
 Although this is such a simple statement, this lesson that my mother taught me a million times brings a smile to my lips and a particular lightness to my heart. First, it is one of those things that everyone in my family has sort of latched onto as a humorous and sweet touchstone of remembrance of my mom, along with "enchi-lalas" which is what she called enchiladas, and a few others that will no doubt surface in later chapters of "One Hundred Things...." When there's a family get together and a beverage is being poured (usually tea - we're southern after all), there's almost a contest to see who will be the first to say, "Be sure to leave an inch of tipping room," as a silly but loving tribute to mom.

The Big Rich by Bryan Burrough

The Big Rich: The Rise and Fall of the Greatest Oil Fortunes, by Bryan Burrough, is one of those books that I'll sit in a parking lot to listen to (I'm listening to it on my iPod), ironically and guiltily burning the very resource that is the basis of the story, and that which sometimes seems the bane of our existence - oil.

Not only is it well written (I know, I always say that, but that's an important criteria for me), but there are so many personal points of reference in the book, that I feel like I'm in it!

Losing Mum and Pup by Christopher Buckley

Christopher Buckley's lovely tribute to his mom, Patricia Buckley, and infamous father, William F. Buckley, Jr., Losing Mum and Pup, is the only book, other than Moby Dick (the original) that I've read with a dictionary in my lap (actually Wikipedia up and frequented).

A short list of phrases and words that I circled in pencil to further investigate include: droit du seigneur, paradigmatically, perfervid orison, intransigence, apparatchik, exigent, diktaks, adipose, adduce a tropism; and that's just about three-pages-worth!

It's not that I haven't heard or seen these words, it is just that Christopher Buckley throws them around like slang, and I loved it. I loved it because for the too short period of reading this book, I felt transported to another world - a world of the intelligentsia - and indeed, which wasn't as important to me, a world of uniquely east coast heritage, entitlement, wealth and privilege, that is as alien to this little west Texas gal as Martians.

Crazy for the Story by Norman Ollestad

Crazy for the Storm, by Norman Ollestad, is getting lots of media buzz, and rightfully so. An 11-year-old kid, who has been pushed into dangerous sports and adventure pursuits his entire life by his overbearing father (off-piste skiing, surfing in storm swells, etc.), is in a small plane crash on top of a very steep mountain. His father and the pilot are dead, his father's girlfriend is seriously injured, and it is very cold. Although I couldn't stop reading this book, several things bothered me throughout. First, it is written in the voice of the 11-year-old kid. Maybe it's just me, and I apologize for the irreverence, but when prepubescent kids-talk endlessly, it makes me want to load them in a plane and crash it into a mountain.

Word of The Day - Erudition

I came upon erudition when I was researching William F. Buckley, Jr., for a book review that I am working on (Losing Mum and Pup by Christopher Buckley - stay tuned.) Mr. Buckley's writing style was described as " famed for its erudition, wit, and use of uncommon words." Although I've heard erudite and erudition used, and gleaned the meaning though context, I wanted to know what it really, really meant.

Erudition, surprise, surprise, comes from the Latin word, eruditus, which means (according to the gospel of Wickepedia), "when instruction and reading followed by digestion and contemplation have effaced all rudeness ("e- (ex-) + rudis"), that is to say smoothed away all raw, untrained incivility." The big "W" also says that "common usage has blurred the distinction from 'learned'." So consider yourself straightened out on that matter! Unlike Mr. Buckley, I will never be known for my my erudition. But hey, I just used it in a sentence, so there!

Valete! (Latin for Goodbye!)

The Wedding Hat!

Check out this outrageously wonderful Dolcevida hat that I bought to wear to my great nephew's wedding this weekend. Since the wedding is outdoors (June in Austin?!) this will be a perfect umbrella! HA!

SueAnn

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times - Chapter 7

#7 - "There's more than one way to skin a cat."
As adults, we seem to forget that children tend to take things very literally. When I was a little girl and my mom would say, "Well, there's more than one way to skin a cat," I would picture a dead cat, hanging upside down by a rope, mom standing there with a knife trying to decide which way to skin it this time. I never saw my mom skin a cat, but I was sure she must have. Otherwise, how would she know that there was more than one way to do it. I never said to my mom, "Why would you skin a cat?" Kids often don't ask about things they don't understand , and adults are often oblivious to their confusion.

Of course I eventually figured out that what mom was talking about was tolerance, and gal-howdy is this a big one. Of all of the one hundred things my mom taught me a million times, this may be the most important. I suspect that few would say that tolerance is bad, but many would say that when we don't stand up for what we believe, our life becomes a compromise.

MY GARDEN!

Our first heirloom tomato! Nearly ripe! What you can't see are hundreds of ripening tomatoes, what seems like thousands of beans, about eight watermelons, cucumbers, squash, basil and tarragon! Yummmmm! Jason Minshew, owner of JBird Landscaping, our gardener, adds something new for each season!

SueAnn

vive la différence!

A Commentary on the Wonderful Differences Between Women and Men
Chapter 1

He tried to hide his excitement, but she could smell it woven in amongst the tar and heat. He seemed a leopard, crouched in the cover of the jungle, waiting, controlling the massive power of that which made him so obviously different from her.

His steps quickened in the quiet pensive moments of their approach, as tiny pearls of sweat popped out on his smooth, tan forehead.

The Horse Boy by Rupert Isaacson

I don't usually write a review 66-pages into a book, but either the caffeine from my morning coffee has taken over (not unusual) or I am just too inspired to hold off until the end of the book. I want to believe it is inspiration.

When I was childbearing age, women just weren't very informed about all the things that could go wrong for our babies. Our biggest fear was that our child might be born with some type of physical deformity (i.e., the still-prevalent counting of fingers and toes at birth). Little did we know that the absence of an appendage was the least of our worries. Through massive public awareness, books, movies, and of course "Oprah," we now know more than we even want to about the seemingly endless list of disorders that can impact the life of a child and family - Autism being one of those. It's not that I don't want to know about Autism, I am in fact intrigued by, and have read a lot about Autism, which has not impacted my family, and another similarly tragic disorder Schizophrenia, which has.

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times - Chapter 6

#6 - "Never say headache, allergies, or nervous."

Mom truly believed that you are what you say, what you think, what you believe. Therefore, if you never said, thought or believed you had a headache, or allergies, or were nervous, then you weren't, or didn't (sorry about saying these words, mom.)

She not only believed this, she lived it. She never said those words, and if they ever crept into my vocabulary, she would quickly and enthusiastically shush me, as if I had just uttered a profanity. I seem to recall that those words gained a lot of social traction during the fifties and sixties. It was during this era that TV began advertising Bayer aspirin and Alka-Seltzer; it became vogue for parents and children to proudly declare that they had the "a" word; and I first heard a furtive, and therefore intriguing reference to a "ner____ breakdown" in a movie. I had no idea what a headache, an allergy, or nervous breakdown were, but I desperately wanted them.

The Alka-Seltzer ads really made me want to try alcohol - the party scene, lots of laughter, lampshade on the head - looked like fun to me, and when you felt bad later - just pop an Alka-Seltzer into a glass of water, enjoy the bubbles, and in minutes you were smiling again! But mother was never lured by those ads. I vividly recall that 104 degree fever and "death’s bed" being the only occasions when a half of an aspirin might be called for. Now I justify taking aspirin by telling myself it's good for my circulation. I don't take it for "you-know-what."Click On Read More Below...

Columbine by Dave Cullen

I thought a long time before reading Columbine, by Dave Cullen because I wasn't sure I wanted to know the gory details of that horrific event. I read numerous reviews of the book first because although I was curious to see the analysis ten years out, I didn't want to read about it if it wasn't well written. All the reviews I saw were positive, in terms of writing, reporting, balanced, interesting, etc., but they were all also like this post, cautious, pensive, a lot not said. There is much to learn from Mr. Cullen's book about Columbine, and it certainly provided much better information than gleaned from news reports, but it still felt like something I didn't want to know. Like, both of the kids that committed the murders were raised in good homes with no apparent reasons for why they did what they did. Like, the police had plenty of information in advance to stop the slaughter before it happened. I don't even want to talk about it anymore, but I am glad that I read the book.

I'm going to go have a glass of wine and try to forget about Columbine (the event) and The Shack (the book).

SueAnn

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times - Chapter 5

#5 - "Above all else, never be common."
As you've heard me say before, mom was subtle in her lessons, so I had to think about this one for a while, and the more I thought about it, the more complicated it became. What is "common?" Who says? In the words of Leon Trotsky, "Everything is relative in this world, where change alone endures," so trying to measure commonness felt tricky, illusive, and a little dirty. My measure of common tends to look like a high-school dropout with three crying babies, living on welfare and watching soap operas in her trailer while a pit bull on a chain barks all day. However, if I asked that gal her measure of common, it might be her meth-junkie mother who raised her kids in a car while she did tricks on the street for drug money. Someone probably thinks I am common because no one would recognize the name of the college I graduated from, and because I buy my clothes at Target and consider Ellen Tracy "designer."

Michelle Obama - Inspiring Women Around The Globe

Click on the above title to link to a brief and interesting CNN story about how having a woman of color in the White House is viewed by women around the world.

SueAnn

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times - Chapter 4

#4 - "Things Lay, people Lie."

I have been called pretentious, and having spent most of my life trying to appear smarter, prettier, and more successful and interesting than I am, I'd have to agree. Of course that is relative to how smart, pretty, successful and interesting I really am, so I don't think my pretension is particularly psychotic, but perhaps that last statement was.

How does all of this relate to mom's lesson #4, "things lay, people lie," which she taught me a million times? Well, mom was all about appearances, and grammar was one of the many rungs on the ladder to being smarter, prettier, and more successful and interesting. Mom believed that grammar, if executed poorly, doomed you to being "common," which in her mind was the seventh level of hell.

Conversely, she believed that if one executed grammar well, one could avoid the hell of commonality. By the way, I never heard my mother say hell, or damn, or any other expletive other than "deeee-ern," which wasn't even "darn," but when said signaled unparalleled anger. Not being common is lesson #5, so I'm not going to get into that one just yet, but like "the uncertainly of life (lesson #2)," "not being common" is an overarching theme in the one hundred things my mother taught me a million times. Oh, and for the record, not all of my mother's lessons stuck; I know that. Click on Read More Below...

LOGGING ON TO THE IVY LEAGUE

Well, it's official. I have to give up sleeping. There's just too much out there to learn and I can't stand it. I've always loved to learn, but am terrified of the scholastic environment because I don't test well. I absorb information like a sponge, and seem to have an above average capacity to understand it, but then it just seems to go somewhere, I don't know where. Ask me to regurgitate information, i.e, on an exam, and I panic! Actually, I can do it, I got through college with pretty good grades, but it required lots of memorization, and sheer terror. I guess all the reading and learning I've done over the years is in there somewhere and surfaces in an occasional brilliant idea or solution, but instant recall, which my husband has and for which I am extremely jealous, doesn't exist for me, and it makes me sad because I love learning and I wish I could remember everything I've learned. I guess I just have to keep feeding a craving that is never satiated.

Movie-A-Minute

OK. This is too funny. Click on the Movie-A-Minute title above, which will take you to the Movie-A-Minute website. Then click on a movie title and read the summary.

I thought The Bridge on the River Kwai was particularly funny.

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times - Chapter 3

#3 - "Never accept the first table the host tries to give you at a restaurant."

I remember this being one of those things my mother did that embarrassed me when I was a child. Now it is something I do that embarrasses my husband. I rarely accept the first table offered by a restaurant host. It's not an arbitrary "snob" thing; it's because, just like mom said, hosts try to get rid of the worst tables first - the one by the bathroom, the one by the service area, or the one by the entrance where you spend your meal looking at other people's behinds while they wait for their table.

I'm not worthy to touch the hem of Malcolm Gladwell's garment, (Blink, Tipping Point, Outliers) but he and I do share a fascination with human nature, so I have a couple of observations about this issue of the crappy table - the prime distinction between Malcolm and I being his observations are researched while mine are gut reactions. Malcolm gives gut reactions great credit in his book Blink, so I feel justified. Besides, it's my blog. CLICK ON READ MORE BELOW...

Word of The Day - Aphorism

The word of the day is aphorism, which is "a succinct statement expressing a general opinion or truth." Of course I have always knows what aphorism meant, simply by the context in which it is used, and the "-ism" (note the Sue-ism in the left column) is a dead giveaway, but I never use this word and being a lover of cool words, I really love aphorism (even though it sounds like a medical condition). I ran across an aphorism this morning in a Conde Naste magazine article about New York Yankees (baseball team) owner, George Steinbrenner III, who is said to have loved aphorisms, one of his favorites being "The speed of the pack is determined by the pace of the leader." Gal-howdy do I love that aphorism, and I'll tell you why in a minute, but first, I want to talk about this and other magazine articles that are in a collection that comes out every year called The Best American Series.

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times - Chapter 2

#2 - "Always wear clean underwear. You never know when you could be in a wreck or get sick and have to go to the hospital."

A reoccurring theme of  ‘one hundred things my mother taught me a million times’ is the uncertainty of life. As I pondered this inclination, my first reaction was that my mother's generation had such a hard life that they became wary and paranoid. Two world wars, the depression, having to fight for the right to vote, prohibition - I can see how swimming through all of that would tend to make you cautious.

But then I looked back on my own history. The Vietnam War looms large in my memory, an icon of horror, futility and heart-stomping reality. Then there were the gut-churning conflicts of race and the flood of drugs constantly beckoning to a youth desperately seeking a haven from the harshness of life. It is a freaking wonder we ever left the house - clean knickers or not. Click on Read More Below...

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times - Prologue and Chapter 1

Prologue:

My mother taught me one hundred things a million times. Ironically, from my earliest childhood memories of my mother and until she was in her seventy's, I don't believe I heard her say more than ten words a day (and that's another story). So how could she possibly have taught me one hundred things a million times, and those one hundred things become so indelibly cemented into my memory? Perhaps the more important question is why.

Some of the one hundred things are universal; things that every parent teaches their child, but I think that some are backlash to unlearned lessons, bad experiences, or realizations. Don't we do the same thing, share life lessons that have been branded into our memories, good and bad?

What follows is a closer look at those one hundred things my mother taught me a million times, examined through the lens of my memories of my mother, my life experiences and my hopes for my children and grandchildren.

Over the last ten or so years many books have been birthed from blogs. One of my fondest and most recent references being Julie Powell's book, Julie and Julia, soon to be a movie, (http://www.powells.com/ink/powell.html). Hopefully, One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times will get noticed, too.

Lesson # 1 - You can fall in love with a rich man as easily as you can fall in love with a poor man.

There's so much to say about this lesson, I hardly know where to start. My mother didn't marry a rich man, she married my dad, twice, which I didn't even know until he was dead and she was 80 years old! Being the last of five kids, and an "accident" when my mom was 40 and my dad 60, I must have missed out on a lot of drama. Did she try to teach me this lesson a million times because she wished she'd married a rich man, or did she just want me to have security, or is there another reason? CLICK ON READ MORE BELOW…

MORE BOOKS

In case you haven't noticed, I read a lot. Actually I read a lot and listen to a lot of books on my iPod. By the way, just FYI. If you purchase audio books from iTunes and lose them, you have to re-purchase them, but if you purchase them from audible.com, they keep your library and you can re-download them anytime you want to!