One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times – Chapter 85

(Me, Mom and Dad, 1952)

#85 – “If you don't want to milk a cow, then don't learn how.”

This one of one hundred things my mom taught me a million times almost got left off the list! I received an email from a long-lost nephew last week that started, “I admit that today I read your blog,” which sounded like a guilty confession and indicated that he didn’t always read my blog. I found this both charming and disarming for reasons that I really do not need to get into. The point being that he went on to remind me of one of mom’s priceless lessons that I’d forgotten, “If you don't want to milk a cow, then don't learn how.”

Last Tuesday night when I told this story to my book club (over Tequila shots and my famous homemade tacos), one of the members and long-time friend and mentee Debbie Tate said, “When I first went to work for you [fresh out of college in 1985] you told me, ‘If you don’t want to become a secretary, don’t learn to type.’” So, I guess I hadn’t really forgotten mom’s #85, it had just evolved and interestingly so.

Mom’s lessons were rarely delivered directly, but rather almost as a parable. She wisely knew telling kids what to do tended to generate a backlash. Instead, she would, unprovoked, toss out a provocative statement like a piece of candy, then watch me circle it with suspicion eventually plucking it up quietly, as she no doubt hid a satisfied smiled.

I remember her saying, “Daddy would never let you girls ‘waitress.’” She never said, “You cannot waitress,” or “I won’t let you waitress,” or “Daddy won’t let you waitress,” or give a reason why. But the statement definitely made me think. Little did I know at the time that she or daddy didn’t want us to learn how to waitress because then we would waitress. Click On Read More Below...

Christine Falls by Benjamin Black

When you set about to review a book and have a great deal of difficult remembering what the book was even about, it’s a sure bet that the review will not be flattering. In fact, Christine Falls was flagrantly forgettable.

About two weeks ago I seduced my chronically-homebody-hubby to make a road trip with me by telling him that I would pick out a really good mystery for us to listen to on the road.  Christine Falls came highly recommended by audible.com – but what I failed to pay close attention to was that although the reading of the story was highly rated – Timothy Dalton at his most superb – the story was not.

The saga is set in mid-20^th century Dublin and Boston Catholic high society. A girl (Christine Falls) turns up dead. There’s a cover-up, and the story unfolds. Actually, it meanders relentlessly

The characters are drawn well-enough, and the writing is pretty, but the whole story is so tragically convoluted  that about half way through, we just wanted it to be over.  To give you an idea of how incomprehensible this book is, read this New York Times review, which although positive is not unlike the book itself, obtuse and boring.

Christine Falls wasn’t fun or interesting. It was annoying. If it hadn’t been for the drama that Timothy Dalton’s reading brought to the story, we’d have never made it through to the end, which, by the way, was anti-climatic.

Letter from a Mother to a Daughter - In anticipation of Mothers Day

I could not find the origin of this letter, so apologies to whomever. I wish I'd read this before my mom died. I cried when I read it. Hopefully some of you Very Smart Gals who still have your mothers will read this and be more patient with your mom...

"My dear girl, the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If when we talk, I repeat the same thing a thousand times, don’t interrupt to say: “You said the same thing a minute ago”... Just listen, please. Try to remember the times when you were little and I would read the same story night after night until you would fall asleep.

When I don’t want to take a bath, don’t be mad and don’t embarrass me. Remember when I had to run after you making excuses and trying to get you to take a shower when you were just a girl?

When you see how ignorant I am when it comes to new technology, give me the time to learn and don’t look at me that way... remember, honey, I patiently taught you how to do many things like eating appropriately, getting dressed, combing your hair and dealing with life’s issues every day... the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through.

If I occasionally lose track of what we’re talking about, give me the time to remember, and if I can’t, don’t be nervous, impatient or arrogant.

 Just know in your heart that the most important thing for me is to be with you. And when my old, tired legs don’t let me move as quickly as before, give me your hand the same way that I offered mine to you when you first walked. When those days come, don’t feel sad... just be with me, and understand me while I get to the end of my life with love. I’ll cherish and thank you for the gift of time and joy we shared.

With a big smile and the huge love I’ve always had for you, I just want to say, I love you... my darling daughter. "