HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL YOU STINKERS!

From SueAnn and Her Grandkids, Sydney, Quenten, Will and Cassie!

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In Case You Were Wondering....

• When I was 9-years-old, my dad showed me how to set a dynamite charge (he owned a road construction company).
• After I graduated from high school, I was offered a scholarship to Texas Tech as a twirler but turned it down to get married.
• I took a job in 1981 at a ranch in New Mexico that was once a survivalist’s commune under surveillance by the FBI as a suspected hide out for the Symbionese Liberation Army, which were holding Patty Hearst captive. Turns out the survivalists were growing marijuana underground. The man whose job I assumed supposedly committed suicide, but I found out that he was actually murdered, by my boss!
• When I was 10-years-old I pee'd my pants on 3rd base because no one could hit me in. Since I had on a dress, no one knew. I threw my socks in the trash in the school bathroom.
  

"Pre-Loved" Designer Handbags & Accessories

I never cease to be amazed at the ingenuity of women. Last Thursday my husband and I stopped by Mighty Fine for a burger before our trek to our daughter’s for Christmas.  Although I’m not easily distracted from a mighty fine burger, I couldn’t help but notice that the gal sitting a couple of chairs away had a mighty cute denim Louis Vuitton purse. I am also not a hard-core designer bag person, but there was just something about this one that felt special, so I said, “Cute bag! Where’d you get it?” The equally cute gal lit up and said, “Thank you. I actually buy and sell used designer handbags and other accessories on my website b.chic. http://bchictoo.com/!” 

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times - Chapter 22

#22 – “Always rinse your face with cold water. Hot water breaks down the tissue and causes more wrinkles.”

(Photo of these "Young Bohemians" was taken in 1968 at my niece's wedding, left to right, nephew Jack (Jay) Morgan, former sister-in-law Freida Kay Noelke Davenport, me, former husband Herbie Noelke, nephew Monte Morgan, niece Jolinda Morgan, nephew Wade Hudman.)

When I saw #22 on the list of the one hundred things mom taught me a million times, I was reminded of the Bible verse in Ecclesiastes, “What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.” (Ecclesiastes 1:9). See, I’m not a total heathen!

As far as we know, Ecclesiastes was written by Qohelet, who introduces himself as "son of David, and king in Jerusalem," who, according to Wikipedia, “proclaims all the actions of man to be inherently ‘vain’ … as the lives of both wise and foolish men end in death.”  Now there’s a cheery thought for Christmas Eve!

The Financial Lives of the Poets by Jess Walter

About 3 minutes into The Financial Lives of the Poets by Jess Walter (listening to it on my iPod while driving to Ft. Davis), I texted my book club members, and a couple of other over readers, “Good book – Fincial Lives of the Poets.” Then pulled over and stopped on the side of the road to text, “Correction, Financial.” I live a dangerous life. On the edge. Jane Bond in an SUV! I would like to see Daniel Craig text multiple parties while speeding 75 mph, steering with one knee (naked). But the point is that Jess Walter had me at “The milk is like $9 a gallon,” (you’ll just have to trust me on this).

Matt (main character) and his family feel like reality – not your gritty, gut wrenching tale of abuse and alcoholism and dysfunction – just your normal financially overextended (fiscal Ebola), neopolitan marriage turning to vanilla, yikes I’m middle aged, and my boss is Attila the Hun reality. 

Over Readers Anonymous

First, I want to say that I just read two new books that were so arresting that I had to add fourth and fifth runners up for best books of the year. Fourth Runner Up - Best Book Of The Year!! The Financial Lives of the Poets by Jess Walter – hilarious prose – stay tuned for full review tomorrow. Fifth Runner Up- Best Book Of The Year!! Half the Sky by Nicholas Kristoff and Sheryl WuDunn – an eye opening look at female issues in 3^rd world countries – stay tuned for full review tomorrow

Next - Books I Read in 2009 That Didn’t Make It To My Top Ten List – Pretty Good, To “How’d This Even Get Published?” Unless you have an extreme book-addiction and a high tolerance for verbal flatulence, this will probably bore you out of your gourd. If you get through the whole list, I salute you! Click on Read More below to get the “Full Monty”.

The Year in Science

What most of you probably don’t know about me is that I’m an armchair scientist (emphasis on armchair). My college minor was geology and I took a variety of science classes as electives, simply because I love learning the what, why, where and how of life. If it had been a fathomable option for my generation and gender, I guess I would have become a scientist. But it really wasn’t, or didn’t seem so at the time, so for years I’ve read a lot about science – on a very superficial, novice-y level mind you, i.e., the annual Best American Science and Nature Writing books, Discover magazine (to which I have subscribed for years) and the books they recommend, and an occasional Popular Science or Scientific American, usually purchased in airports along with People magazine (which reveals the dichotomy of my whacky interests.)

Anyway, one of my favorite issues of Discover is the annual review of the top 100 science discoveries/stories of the year. Let’s see if I can summarize the top 10 in a couple of sentences, without boring you to tears. First, the list, then click on “Read More” for my “take” on each:
1. Vaccines & Autism
2. NASA – We Have a Problem
3. Anthropological Origins -Theory De Jour
4. Stem Cell Miracles
5. 12 Billion Years Ago
6. Swine Flu
7. Graphene – The New Silicon
8. Earth-Like Worlds Discovered
9. Burying Carbon Emissions
10. The Psychology of Overspending

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times - Chapter 21

#21 – “Never get on a motorcycle because if you have a wreck and scar up your face no man will ever want to marry you.”

This morning when I saw this one of one hundred things on the list of the things my mom taught me a million times, I let out a big honking laugh and flashed back on a vivid memory. When I was around 16-ish, I started dating my children’s father, who was five years older than me, in college and owned a number of very fast vehicles, including a motorcycle.

One might wonder why a mother (my dad died when I was 12) would let her 16-year-old date a 21-year-old. Simple. He was from a ranching family (which by our little west Texas standards meant “blue blood”), which was every mothers dream in 1964 – that her daughter might marry “well.” Although the fact that he lived on a huge beautiful ranch, drove a hot new car every year, and could afford to take me exotic places (Dallas, ha ha), didn’t escape my notice, but I was head-over-heels in love with him, so all that was superfluous to me.

2009 Books I Hope To Read Soon

What follows are books published in 2009 that I have not yet read, but based upon consistently good reviews and many “best of” lists, hope to soon:

Half the Sky by Nicholas Kristoff and Sheryl WuDunn
Vignettes on women activists in Africa, India and China. I’ll listen to this one today on my way to my daughter-in-law’s baby shower!

Click on "Read More" below to see the full list.

MY FAVORITE 2009 READS

A friend suggested that I publish a "Best Books of 2009" list, since everyone else does. The only problem is I didn't read every book published in 2009, or even half the ones I wanted to. So my "best of" list is really just the best books I read this year ... ta da! "My Favorite 2009 Reads!"

I also didn't think it would be fair to name the book and author without giving a clue as to what it is about, but I didn't want to get into lengthy descriptions, so I limited myself to a brief sentence (loosely put), and it ended up being kinda fun. So click on "Read More" below and comment on your favorite 2009 reads.  And the photo to the left, me at the SMU Twirling School in 1965, has absolutely nothing to do with anything.

Push by Sapphire

Unless you’ve been living in a cave somewhere you’ve no doubt heard about the movie Precious, the Indy darling de jour. That movie was adapted from the book Push by Sapphire.  The book, Push, is a sophomoric, Jerry Springer-ish, pornographic, piece of weirdness that feels like a stereotypical, emotional exploitation of a topic that deserves better treatment. It is also a sometimes interestingly presented, albeit consistently painful story, that if it was a true story, and I have no doubt that it could be true, would feel less exploitive. I found myself alternately frustrated, compelled, disappointed and intrigued. There’s a good story there, but based on the movie reviews, it must be much more well told in the movie than in the book, which is really, really rare.

Between Here and April by Deborah Copaken Kogan

The word filicide derives from the Latin word filius meaning "son". Filia in Latin also means daughter. Filicide, like incest and child abuse, is a topic so hideous that no one wants to think about it, much less read about it, which is not much of a problem, because as a society, we tend to stick our heads in the sand about such things. And although it seems every other book that’s come out in the past few years includes child abuse in the plot, they are usually glossed over pretty effectively – just enough info to get us temporarily emotionally involved, but not enough to send us lobbying to our legislators, demanding a crack-down on child rape and filicide.

OK, now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, I’ll tell you about Between Here and April by Deborah Copaken Kogan, which is about filicide, marital dysfunction, sexual dysfunction, identity crisis, child neglect, rape, hormonal imbalance, psychiatric malpractice, job stress,  infidelity, pornography, postpartum depression, post traumatic stress disorder, etc., etc.

The Midlife Gals

I can be a little slow on the up-take sometimes, so thank gaud I have very smart gals around to give me a little leverage. I must be the last person in Austin to hear about The Midlife Gals, but as the saying goes, better latte then fever. Thanks to Very Smart Gal, Aralyn Hughes for hooking me up with KK and Sal Jackson, The Midlife Gals. Let me just tell you that I flipped out over these very smart gals. They are hilarious and they're famous. Click on the link above to check out their website. They have a blog, a radio show, videos (must watch), are AAS "Fortunate 500" picks, are guest writers for More Magazine, and are commentators on MidLifeBachelor.com (scroll down to Midlifegals.com Video Responds To Man Who Wants Girlfriend 20+ Years Younger - too too funny!)

So in January I'm meeting KK and Sal for martini's at the Four Seasons, and I can't wait! And I'm practicing my "Head Thwomp" (check their website for explanation). I love it when women come out of themselves to be the unique, special and wonderful creatures into which life has welded them - Very Smart Gals!  Yee Haw! Ride 'Em Cowgirl!

Aliens Return Husband

“Yep. That’s him,” says wife. “Whatever!”

I knew it was too good to be true. The aliens returned my lovable slob and took away Mr. Clean. But then who can blame him. Housekeeping just loses it glamour very quickly. I’m OK with that. It was really pretty spooky, and I was starting to have hallucinations from all the Fabrez. Welcome home honey, and get your dang Crocks out of the middle of the dang floor!

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times - Chapter 20

#20 - “Sauces are just to disguise poor cuts of meat.”
Of course the irony here is that my generation of cooking is all about sauces, which begs the question. Were sauces invented to, as mom said, disguise poor cuts of meat, or to, as we are taught today, compliment cuts of meat, and is there a difference?

I Googled “The History of Sauces” (as I do everything), and sure enough, at What’s Cooking America.com, http://whatscookingamerica.net/History/SauceHistory.htm
I found an entire page dedicated to what one would expect to be a rather obscure topic. First sentence, “The word "sauce" is a French word that means a relish to make our food more appetizing.” They go on to say, “Sauces are liquid or semi-liquid foods devised to make other foods look, smell, and taste better, and hence be more easily digested and more beneficial. Because of the lack of refrigeration in the early days of cooking, meat, poultry, fish, and seafood didn't last long. Sauces and gravies were used to mask the flavor of tainted foods.” Yikes! Click on Read More Below...

GALS GRAZE

Yesterday I had lunch at the Blue Dahlia with three Very Smart Gals, (left to right), Aralyn Hughes, Debra Winegarten, and Mari King, and I'm still buzzing.

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times - Chapter 19

#19 - "Always eat when you drink."
I really never drank until I turned 30 and moved to Austin. Yes, there were those couple of trips to Ciudad Acuna, Mexico, a sleepy little border town relatively close to my hometown, where age wasn’t an issue in a bar. I remember Mary Wright and I drinking an aptly named Zombie at Ma Crosby’s Restaurant (or was it at the inaptly named Shangri-La Bar), going into the bathroom, taking off our bras, and waving them out the door at our amused, and no doubt hopeful boyfriends, and jaded wait staff. I guess we thought that was sexy – and was certainly the most “scandalous” thing my sexually immature mind could even conjure. But for the most part, I was a late blooming drinker, and although I’ve foolishly wished I could “drink the night away,” I’m a cheap drunk. Three glasses of wine or three beers and I am down for the count - literally. Click on Read More Below...

Lit by Mary Karr

If I could write like Mary Karr I’d be thin and rich, my husband would like to travel, my kids would lead charmed lives, my friends would be legion, and the world would be at peace.  I grew up poor-ish in Texas like Mary. My mom read a lot and was into intellectualism like Mary’s. So why don’t life-altering phrases swirl out of my head like exotic, scarfed dancers?

I guess I just didn’t lead a tortured enough life. My mom wasn’t an alcoholic, semi-psycho who wielded guns and knives, and quoted Shakespeare and Dostoevsky. I wasn’t hospitalized for depression and substance abuse, nor did I find God through AA. OK, maybe I’ll just have to settle for pudgy and getting by, a husband that I wouldn’t trade for, an amazing bunch of kids and grandkids, the best friends in the world and a chaotic world that’s really better than it sometimes seems.

Open by Andre Agassi

I tend to think that child prodigies are born with a special gift, destined for fame, shoved along by a god of greatness or something, but what Open, by Andre Agassi reminds us is that kids that become really, really good at something, probably spent their childhood being hammered by an adult to practice, practice, practice. Such is the case with Andre Agassi, whose father was a relentless “stage father,” and slave driver.

Pictures at a Revolution: Five Movies and the Birth of the New Hollywood by Mark Harris

I have a rather macabre fascination with Hollywood, actors and the motion picture industry in general, so when I saw the title, Pictures at a Revolution: Five Movies and the Birth of the New Hollywood, which was written by Mark Harris, I jumped on it faster than a toad on a June bug. For some ridiculous reason I had a counter-intuitive need to understand what gave Mr. Harris license to write about motion pictures – as if anything about that industry even implies truth or reality, but when I went to the Mark Harris page at amazon.com, it was pretty blank, this evidently being his only book. But critics who know what their talking about (unlike moi) seem to think his observations in Pictures at a Revolution are pretty credible, so I’ll just leave that be and move on to the meat.  

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times - Chapter 18

#18 - "You should visit lots of different churches, because that will help you understand religion."

This morning, as I read through the list of one hundred things my mother taught me a million times (yes, there really is a list) trying to decide which to write about next, I sometimes caught myself smiling as I went from lesson to lesson and I sometimes caught myself feeling angry. Why? Because some of mom’s lessons are just so on the mark in life’s craziness that they’re funny, and then others simply piss me of.  Well, to be honest, the ones that piss me off are the ones I know in my heart-of-hearts are true, but don’t want to admit and am frankly a little embarrassed to even discuss. We’ll get to those eventually, but today’s lesson is easy: Religion. And she says to herself, “Just exactly what about religion is easy, SueAnn?”

I recently reunited with my four siblings for the first time in about two years. I should tell you that I’m the baby of the family and no spring chicken, so suffice it to say that we were a group (five of us altogether) that moved slow, wore lots of polyester, talked loud, and said “What?!” a lot. The whole experience was wonderful, and I really enjoyed seeing and being with my three older sisters and brother. It was also scary as hell as I saw my future in bent backs, slow gaits, stooped shoulders, jowls, thin white hair and heavy lids. Click on Read More Below...

GALS GRAZE

Some months ago I had coffee with a Very Smart Gal who accused me of hogging the Very Smart Gals all to myself, and she was right! So I determined to change that by rather randomly inviting Very Smart Gals who’d probably never met to lunch together.  So far I've hosted four lunches, and Gal-Howdy has it been fun and smart.  Left, Very Smart Gals, Susan Eason, Amalia Rodriguez-Mendoza, Susan Hendrix and Margo Weisz.

ALIENS ABDUCT HUSBAND!

"This is not my husband," says wife, "but I'll keep him." 

As I sit here writing this very strange but true story, I feel as though I’m writing out my own death warrant. Why? Because when my friends, or perfect strangers for that matter, get wind of what is going on in my house, I fear my days are numbered.

My husband has decided to become our housekeeper, or my husband has been abducted by aliens and replaced by a guy who looks exactly like him except he’s a cleaning demon, and a neat-nick.

When my husband Crouse decided to retire from his 40-year profession of graphic design and become a school bus driver, I had my doubts, but he was just so excited about it. What could I say, but “That’s wonderful honey, but I’m in the middle of a grant deadline, so can we talk about this later.” Two things about being a school bus driver, 1) You don’t get paid a lot, but the benefits are wonderful (which was the primary goal since he has medical issues), and 2) You have lots of free time. These two worked together to create a perfect storm of domestic wackiness.

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times - Chapter 17

#17 – "Always make sure you have plenty of roughage in your diet."
Upon reading my Chapter 16 of One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times, a friend commented, “This one left me wanting a little more SueAnn.” I suspect that after reading this one, she’ll wish I’d left more unsaid.

Really now, who wants to read about pooping? Well, that’s what it is, Re: mom’s reference to getting plenty of “roughage.” Of course I never heard my mother say pooping, or any other distasteful synonym of pooping, other than #2 or a “bowel movement,” because anything else would be profanity which is something my mother never ever did! Roughage was about as rough as my mom’s language ever got.

Although I was a little constipated at starting this one of one hundred things, now I feel movement and am sensing the pending arrival of my muse. Sorry – couldn’t resist.

There’s just so much to say about roughage in the diet! Let’s begin with the obvious. If you’re reading this and you’re a woman, you know that “doing the daily” is a critical, sometimes nerve-wracking, unreliable event. Men just seem to do it on demand, like clockwork, for hours. Women pray for it, anticipate it, celebrate when it happens and grieve when it doesn’t. I’d go so far to say that the lack of “the daily” for a woman, which is a common occurrence since women tend to get easily constipated, is an unspoken yet equally powerful cause of a woman’s bad disposition – right up there with PMS and menopause. Click on Read More Below...

Born Round by Frank Bruni

Born Round is a extraordinary look at body image, weight gain/loss, and eating issues from a completely different perspective - that of a man, and not just any man, but a man famous for his writing about eating. Frank Bruni, the author, has been a food critic for the New York Times since 2004.

Bruni was raised in an Italian family, the cultural backbone of which was all about food – equating to love. Don’t we all have a food culture/history somewhat unique to our family? It seems many family stories revolve around food. As psychotic as family dynamics can be, is it any wonder that our relationships with food are as well?

His funny/scary account of obsessing over his weight, pant size, binging, purging, hiding under large clothes, rescheduling dates to lose 5 pounds, were uncomfortably familiar. Not that I’ve purged, but I’ve certainly been an unwilling participant in all those other classic behaviors that plague women, and apparently men, who love to eat, often to excess, and are torn between accepting their body and wanting to meet some crazy standard, or, OK, just be healthy. Hi, my name is SueAnn and I have an unhealthy relationship with food.

Bruni’s story about his life-long struggle with eating and his weight is basted with many fascinating facets of his life otherwise, so I recommend that you read Born Round.

Zeitoun by Dave Eggers

I’m glad I didn’t realize that Dave Eggers wrote A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius before I read his book, Zeitoun. Otherwise, I probably wouldn’t have read Zeitoun, and that would have been a shame because I liked it, a lot.

Zeitoun is Abdulrahman Zeitoun, a New Orleans painting contractor, a pretty successful one actually, who just happens to be Syrian born, and a married father of two, who finds himself in a horrible predicament –stranded in New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina, and eventually arrested and put in prison as a suspected looter and/or terrorist. I found this story fascinating on several levels.

The Gals Rule at the Austin Film & Food Festival

Moi, Deborah Harrington and Marcia Smith, dressed to wow for the Austin Film & Food Festival. Rewa, at Trish McEvoy in Nordstrom Barton Creek, did our makeup and she is the best!  We were vintage all the way and feeling hot! The crowd seemed to agree as we were photographed again and again! Fun event!

Zen and the Art of Taco Making

There are a thousand stories in the naked kitchen and this is just one of them.  Tacos. An institution in our household. A word that can stand alone, unsupported by characterization, chronicle, delineation, or depiction (www.thesauraus.com), but as a writer, I of course cannot leave well-enough alone.

There is a plethora of tacos - that perfect union of bread, salad, meat, dairy  and spice - the only dish I know that can compete with the hamburger for universal utility, but my tacos are the best. I love my tacos. If they were a man and I were single, I would marry them.

I should first establish that I'm talking about what might be characterized as a "crispy" taco, made with fried corn tortillas, not "soft" tacos, which are traditionally made with flour tortillas. Some day I will tell you about my eternal quest for the perfect chorizo, or about my fish tacos with mango salsa, but today, the topic is the traditional crispy taco.

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times - Chapter 16

#16 - "When extra people unexpectedly show up for dinner, put more salt in the food so they'll fill up on tea."

Any of you old enough to have parents who lived during the Great Depression will probably agree that that catastrophic event left an indelible impression on them. In fact, the Depression seems to be a touchstone for a lot of the one hundred things my mother taught me a million times, as does this #16, which is all about making do with less.

The current downturn in the economy is probably relatively tragic for some folks, but it just seems a minor annoyance to my lifestyle, and pale in comparison to what Americans lived through in the 1920's. So I don't shop as often at Central Market, and my wine is the $8 bottle, not the $20 one. And when my husband ask what's for dinner, I reply, "What we own!"

I wonder if my generation will be shaped by any single defining moment in history? As I think about it, I'd say that the ineffaceable global benchmarks in my life (so far) are the Vietnam war, John Kennedy's assassination, the Berlin wall, the first walk on the moon, 9/11, and the election of Barack Obama. Have these events shaped who I am? Have they made me the mother that I am? Have I even yet experienced the single most important global event of my life? Click on Read More Below...

Await Your Reply by Dan Chaon

Await Your Reply by Dan Chaon is one of those books that is so abstruse that you feel like you are writing it as you are reading it. You know what I mean? OK, perhaps I should be a little less abstruse. Uhhhh. No I can't. So just stay with me here. Await Your Reply is about Hayden and Miles, who are twin brothers. I think. I was never really sure that they weren't one person. Anyway, just for the sake of getting somewhere with this review, let's just assume. So Hayden is the brilliant "schizoid" (apologies) brother, and Miles is the decidedly slow but morally superior doormat brother. Or they are the same person. One or the other. So, brilliant Hayden disappears, and leaves threads of clues as to his wereabouts, and Miles spends his life trying to find him. I think. Oh yes, and Hayden (or Hayden/Miles), hacks computers and steals money and kills people and seduces a high school girl. No wait a minute, that was the high school teacher that seduced the girl. No, I'm sure that was Hayden posing as a high school teacher. I think.

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times - Chapter 15

#15 - "You don’t want to be too clean. If you are too clean, your body never has a chance to build up a resistance to germs."
I know there's some science at the bottom of this one of one hundred things my mom taught me a million times, but that doesn't keep it from feeling a little creepy. I've never been one of those gals that must bath twice a day, and have been known to go camping for a week without a real shower, so I guess this lesson of mom's stuck - and if I really think about it, it stuck a little too well. OK, brace yourself, because it is going to get real.

There is a fine line between a good people smell and a bad people smell. My friend Isabel in Mexico, who was probably the "realist" naturalists I've ever know, told me that work perspiration doesn't stink, but stress perspiration does, and she's right. Take a whiff of you pits after a fun workout, and then take a whiff after a stressful phone call - you'll see what I mean. Click on Read More Below...

Dogs of Babel by Carolyn Parkhurst

Let me first just put to rest your suspicions that I love every book I read. I've been known to toss bromidic books across the room, including The Shack William Young, Rett Butler's People Donald McCraig, Bright Shinny Morning James Frey, Eclipse Stephanie Meyer, Friday Night Knitting Club Kate Jacobs, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo Stieg Larsson, etc.- the list is boringly long.  However, I really enjoyed Dogs of Babel by Carolyn Parkhurst.

Some people write so beautifully that the story is almost irrelevant. That isn't the case with Dogs of Babel, which is beautifully written, and an enchanting story. Although one of the main characters in Dogs of Babel is a dog, who does create a certain appeal, this is not about dogs.

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times - Chapter 14

#14 - “If your hair is too blond, people will think you’re cheap.”

Although mom taught me this one of one hundred lessons a million times, I have always wanted to be Marilyn Monroe. She is my icon of a sexy, successful woman. She screwed John Kennedy for gauds sake! On the other hand, she screwed John Kennedy, and killed herself (or did she?)

I was born blond. Honest. I am of course referring to my hair color. Not my mental capacity, which we will get to later. And I was legitimately blond until I finally realized that the sun that was bleaching my locks to a glowing, delicious yellow, was also baking my skin to a leathery, freckled mess.  Click on Read More Below...

Official Book Club Selection: A Memoir According to Kathy Griffin, by Kathy Griffin

Did you know that Kathy Griffin has never had a drink in her life? Did you know that she is a workaholic and saves every penny she makes? Me either, but these are some of the things you’ll learn about her in her new book, Official Book Club Selection. Kathy is a pretty good writer, and if you like Hollywood gossip, here’s your book! I also learned that I like Kathy Griffin – maybe not everything about her, but a lot.

Having grown up in west Texas, steeped in Baptist and Church of Christ dogma, I still flinch when I hear profanity (even when I’m saying it myself), so the little angel on my shoulder says, “SueAnn, profanity is the crutch of the illiterate! Kathy Griffin has potty mouth” But the little devil on my other shoulder says, “But she is so honest and funny, just ignore the profanity.” Then the head on my shoulder says, here is a woman who is making millions of dollars a year being funny, and has reinvented herself more times than Madonna, and I may flinch occasionally when I hear her hilarious take on life and life in Hollywood (whole other thing), but she is honest, and I like that about her, and I liked her book.

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times - Chapter 13

# 13 - "Get a good job and stay there."

This has to be one of the very few things my mother taught me a million times with which I beg to differ. When I think about all the adventures I would have missed ... but on the other hand, I guess I could have avoided a few heartaches too, and retired with a great income, several years ago.

I have done so many different things in my life - the thought of doing the same job for 40 years makes me cringe! Let's see, I've been a rancher and a school teacher. I worked as a secretary for the guy that owns all the Schlotzsky's in Austin, because it paid better than being a school teacher.

Then I became the unemployment compensation manager for the University of Texas System, traveling all over the state. Then I worked in human resources for an Oil Company that eventually went belly up during one of the many bust. From there, I managed a dude ranch in New Mexico, an adventure involving murder, Patty Hurst, and a survivalists commune, that deserves it own post/story. Click on Read More Below...

Shakespeare - The World as Stage, By Bill Bryson

My Labor Day goal was to complete some of the 18 half-finished books on my side table, lest they tumble onto and injure me. One successfully put away was "Shakespeare - The World as Stage" by Bill Bryson, which if written by almost anyone else could have been brutally boring. But no one does humor like the British, and Bryson does it very well indeed.

How and why so many books could have been written about a man about whom we know almost nothing is a bit of a mystery, but then Shakespeare is hardly any man. A lot of Bryson's book is a look at just that issue - a lot about a little. What recorded history tells us about Shakespeare could be written on the inside of a matchbook, but academic analysis is endless.

The Help by Kathryn Stockett

The Help, by Kathryn Stockett, is one of the best books I've read. It is a fun and touching story, well told. However, although it illustrates how far racial equality has come, as told through southern Black maids and the families they worked for in the ‘60’s, as I daily witness seething racism (of all ilks), I wonder how a world that claims to embrace Godliness, can be so full of hate?

My mom and dad evidently believed that Jesus loved all the little children of the world, "red and yellow black and white, they are precious in his sight," so I don't have much of a perspective on the “race” issue. But we have all been touched in some way by the ugliness of discrimination – jocks and geeks, rich and poor, thin and fat, city and country – it’s endless.

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times - Chapter 12

#12 "You cannot reason with children."

Every time my mom taught me this one-of-one hundred things she taught me a million times, I got this irrationally creepy feeling in the pit of my stomach, because it felt like she was devaluing the intellect of children. Actually, it didn't mean Jill to me until I brought my own intellectually superior and flawless children into the world. Then it became a personal insult. I would roll my eyes and think, "What does she know. My kids are just a lot smarter than hers." Oh wait; I am one of her kids. Well, the point is that I was convinced that my generation would somehow magically just be able to raise kids better, i.e., how to reason with them.

As though it happened moments ago I recall the smell in the air. Melting pavement mixed with baby powder, and that fragrance that only a 100-degree summer day in West Texas can produce. I was in downtown Odessa, when there was a downtown Odessa, and I had with me, my oldest son Cuatro, then about 3-years old, and my daughter JoLene, who was still in an infant seat. Colt was riding comfortably and obliviously in my tummy, yet unaware of the crazy world into which I was bringing him. Click on Read More Below...

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times - Chapter 11

#11 - "Always put your husband above your children. Children grow up and leave, but you’ve got to live with your husband forever."

As I sit here staring at the blinking cursor, wondering what to say about this lesson my mom taught me a million times, I push myself to not think. My head knows what it wants to reveal, but the cautious side of me wants to pretty it up. I should probably talk about mom's lesson, "Don't tell too much about yourself. It makes you vulnerable." But unwisely, I'll save that one for later, and instead, just stick it out there.

Since I've been through a number of husbands (I'll bet you're wondering how many), I obviously haven't taken this lesson to heart. In fact, my current, and hopefully last husband will tell you that when we were contemplating marriage (I still remember that queasy feeling 20 years later), I told him outright, "My kids come first. You will never be first, and if you can't handle that, then check out now." To his credit, he's always honored that decree, and it is just one of the many reasons I love him. Click on Read More Below...

Geek Love by Katherine Dunn

"Geek Love" by Katherine Dunn is without a doubt the sickest book I ever read, and I l-o-v-e it!!! I am not even going to try to explain what this beyond creepy book is about. I am not usually attracted to books of this genre, but the writing is so good and the story so imaginative that I couldn't help myself.

Amazing, lyrical, disgusting, wonderful!

Julie & Julia- The Book (Not the Movie!)

Since the movie Julie & Julia is out and all the rage, I wanted to have my say. First, I admit that I haven’t seen the movie, but have seen many reviews and gotten feedback from friends who have seen it. A common theme of those reviews and comments is that Meryl Streep steals the show as Julia Child, and is hilarious and endearing, and that Amy Adams as Julie Powell, is slow and annoying. Please Read The Book!!

I can’t help but feel that the movie just exploits our love of Meryl Streep (to sell movie tickets) and ignores the true story, which is actually very little about Julia Child and all about Julie Powell. Julie, who is an Austin gal, wrote this wonderful book, which I think deserves better treatment. It is a great, laugh out loud story that made me want to adopt her as my daughter. I felt the same about the book and movie, Under The Tuscan Sun – wonderful book, mediocre movie that was nothing, nothing like the book.

So please buy and read Julie & Julia by Julie Powell. You’ll be glad you did.

The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman, 2009 Newbery Medal Winner

In what has become a tradition, each summer my granddaughter attends horse camp in Austin, and during the commute to and from camp each day, we listen to a book on my iPod. Last year we listened to Audie Award winner, Tall Grass, by Sandra Dallas, and it was rich and rewarding. We would discuss the book, the characters and plot, and Sydney would ask me questions about things she didn’t understand. This year, I chose Coraline, by Neil Gaiman, and it too was lovely, and provocative in a fun and intellectually spooky way. But the book I must tell you about today is The Graveyard Book, also by Gaiman.

The Graveyard Book first grabbed my attention because for it, Gaiman received the 2009 Newbery Medal, an annual award given to an author for the most distinguished contribution to American literature for children. However, what made me curious enough to purchase the book was repeated reviews saying that although this is a children’s book, adults absolutely loved it!

Farm City: The Education of an Urban Farmer by Novella Carpenter

Everywhere I looked, magazines, newspapers, online I saw rave reviews of Farm City: The Education of an Urban Farmer, by Novella Carpenter, so being the book junkie that I am, I rushed to get my fix. The book was new enough that it wasn’t available just anywhere so I ended up downloading it to my computer from eReader, a rather obscure online program through which you can download print versions. I quickly learned that eReader wasn’t nearly as “readable” as Adobe Digital and I was too busy writing grants to sit and read, so about half-way through the book I ended up downloading the audio version from Audible.com, and finished listening to it on my iPod as I drove my granddaughter to and from horse camp each morning and afternoon.

Novella Carpenter is a hybrid daughter of a hippie mom and dad, who in the 60’s and 70’s dropped out to the wilds of Idaho to live as survivalists’ – growing and hunting their own food, eschewing the urban life. Mom evidently got tired of dirt under her fingernails, and took the kids back to city life, leaving dad to grow even more feral. But the farming roots were there in Novella so when she and her husband ended up in a seriously “ghetto” rental in Oakland, CA, and there was an empty lot next door, she decided that she wanted to “get closer” to her food, so she and her hubby put in a garden and small farm, consisting of chickens, ducks, turkeys and eventually pigs.

Cowgirl Cuisine by Paula Disbrowe

Very smart gal-friend, Paula Disbrowe's, "Cowgirl Cuisine: Rustic Recipes and Cowgirl Adventures from a Texas Ranch" not only serves up dishes that will impress the hound-dog out of your friends, but the beautiful photos and warm stories really reminded this West Texas gal of home on the range.

Paula presents some divine twists on country cooking, like her Chili recipe, which includes ground cloves and lots of poblano peppers. This dish is one of those that makes your eyes roll back in your head and your knees weak. There's a salmon recipe served with a beet salsa that's the prettiest thing I've ever seen on a plate, and makes that common fish taste like a celebration! Another very smart gal-friend, Jordana, says Paula's stuffed jalapenos are "The best!"

So if you're feeling uninspired about what to do for dinner, run over to your favorite book vendor and pick up Cowgirl Cuisine. It's pretty enough to put out on the coffee table, but trust me, you'll keep it in the kitchen.

SueAnn

I'm Going to be a Grandmother, Again!

After nearly seven years of thinking that my son Cuatro and his wife Lovie were done having children (their crowning achievement being my wonderful grandson Quenten) they recently announced, via a very clever E-announcement, that they were making me a grandmother again, and we found out this week - it's going to be a gal - very smart gal! They were really hoping for another boy, so I consoled them, saying, "A future Rodeo Queen!"

Of course I know they will love their little buckarette as soon as she sinks her little spurs into their hearts! In fact, Lovie said that immediately after finding out the gender, they went to Academy and bought pink camo! Ha!

Born to Run by Christopher McDougall

I quit running years ago when it was apparent that my knees were in serious need of new gaskets, so I wasn't sure why I should read this book, but reviews of it kept popping up, and I tend to like books about "sports," so I figured, what the heck. The author, Christopher McDougall twines a good story about the anthropological, physiological, and capitalistic history of running, set in the context of seemingly unlikely companions, ultramarathoners, and a tribe of Indians indigenous to the Copper Canyon area of Mexico, the Tarahumaras.

McDougall is a fun, funny and entertaining writer, so I found my self not really caring about the authenticity or science of his fantastical stories and flamboyant characters.

One Hundred Things My Mother Taught Me A Million Times – Chapter 10

#10 "Always speak to the wife first."
There's something in me that makes me want to dis this lesson that my mom taught me a million times, but deep in my heart, it rings true.

I was single/divorced for many years, and one of my resulting psychosis, was hating men so that they couldn't hurt me. I was hell-bent to prove that all men are robotic louses, only to be toyed with - a stupid role reversal at best.

Notes From New Mexico - Day Eleven

Day eleven of my vacation was wrought with bitter-sweet thoughts that I would soon have to come back to the reality of grant deadlines, laundry, and bills, but also great reunions with family and friends and the comfort of familiarity.

There's something about the magnificence of nature that can shake your soul and bring you to your knees in gratitude for the blessings in your life. As I drove the "back way" from Salida, Colorado to Aspen, a breath-taking, climb over the continental divide, I had alternating feelings of wishing that everyone I loved (several bus-loads) were with me to witness this indescribable beauty, and thinking that if I plunged over the side of this entirely too narrow road, the tons of money I'd thrown at my life-insurance policy would finally pay off.